A Heart's Haunt
by Scriptor of Lacuna
Summary: In the aftermath of solving her mother's case, Beckett tries to comes to terms with the fact that she is still in love with Castle and tries to make things right with him before it is too late.
1. Part I

**Title:** A Heart's Haunt  
><strong>Characters:<strong> Kate Beckett & Richard Castle. Lanie, Martha, Alexis, Ryan & Esposito will make an appearance.  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T (one chapter will be M and will be indicated as such)  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Anything up to and including S3 finale "Knockout." And a few smackerals of S4 Spoilers.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> No I don't own, profit from, or claim any rights to the TV show Castle or it's characters. All rights belong to ABC and to the bloody brilliant Andrew Marlowe (whom I trust completely).  
><strong>Summary:<strong> In the aftermath of solving her mother's case, Beckett tries to comes to terms with the fact that she is still in love with Castle and she tries to make things right with him before it is too late. Post S3. AU S4-Future Fic.

**A/N:** Hello my lovely returning readers and new readers. This can be considered a sequel to "A Sparrow's Fall." You DO NOT have to read "A Sparrow's Fall," however, somethings will have more of an emotional impact if you do.

Summary of "A Sparrow's Fall" : During her recovery at the hospital it was revealed [SPOILER ALERT] that Kate and Josh have broken up. Aggie Renalds (one of the nurses) killed Kate's shooter to cover up and protect the man behind Kate's mother's death. Rick was held a gunpoint by Aggie and a sniper and in exchange for Kate's safety, promised that he would keep Kate from researching her mother's case. Rick also has the files that Roy sent him, though he has yet to look at the name of the man responsible for Beckett's mother's death. Ryan and Esposito are helping Castle to keep Kate safe, but they do not know that Castle has Roy's files. Kate also has a picture of the sniper and has promised to pursue her mother's case without telling Rick. Rick also told Beckett about the first story he had every written resulting from an incident with a sparrow. He also said to her 'from apples to always' and meant it. They left the hospital friends, with lingering promises of more.

**A/N:** Last but certainly not least, I would like to thank my wonderful Beta, **Tadpole24**, who did such a marvelous job of editing. She is fabulous and has my sincerest thanks for navigating through my unpolished imagination. Any mistakes found are my own because I always add things in the last minute.

**Thank you so much for your support for my last story and I hope you enjoy this one just as much. **

**And now, A Heart's Haunt**

* * *

><p><strong>Part I<strong>

****. . . . . . . . . .****

**September 17th, 2012.**

******. . . . . . . . . .******

The crisp autumn night air soon filled with lingering puffs of exhaust. Illuminated by the street lamp overhead, Detective Kate Beckett took off her helmet to meet the artificial twilight of New York. She swung her jean clad leg over her 1994 Harley Soft Tail until her five inch heals tried to pierce the concrete of the sidewalk.

Off to her right was a familiar, shadowed stairwell that beckoned her just like the night life seemed to beckon everyone else. It had been a while since she had been here. She was certain the remnants of two broken hearts were probably still on the walls of his office.

Kate moved from underneath the light to the shadows in front of her precipice. Stairs leading down towards him. He was there waiting for her. To tell her something that she had feared and expected since Alexis talked to her outside Rick's hospital room two weeks ago.

Kate looked at the slippery slope before her. Ten months ago she would have taken each step one at a time, swung the door wide and entered the establishment. She would have ordered a drink, sat with her friends and thrown jokes with dark undertones around for fun. Castle would have sat across from her, winking, laughing and joking along with her, and he would have even slipped in an inviting touch here or there when no one was looking.

She would be doing that exact thing tonight, if two months ago she hadn't made the journey into his office, then none of this ever would have happened. No, that was a lie. Maybe all of it had been a lie. Lies. Lies. Lies. Each of them had an arsenal of falsehoods that they had kept hidden, even some they were able to weave so well they started to become a truth.

Their truth.

Between what was said and what wasn't, they had found a space to call their own. It had started under guise of 'just a taste' only to prevaricate into shadowed moments spurred on by sprigs of mistletoe.

Once, she had taken the time to stop and shake hands with happiness. Once, she had finally risked her heart. Once, she had decided that one taste couldn't possibly be enough.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>. . . . . . . . . .<strong>**

**December 23rd, 2011**

****. . . . . . . . . .****

"Careful, that's Mother's _*special*_ eggnog."

Kate gave him an odd look before taking a sip. She chortled in her drink a few seconds later as Rick took the glass from her.

"You need a cast iron stomach to handle that concoction." He handed her a glass of champagne instead as Martha's version of "White Christmas" filled the room.

"Thank you," Kate managed to croak out. As she tried to wash down the remainder of Martha's 'eggnog' she gazed around the room that exemplified the meaning of Christmas.

Among friends and family were pillars adorned with white twinkle lights and from the roof streams of white netting, with embroidered stars, mixed with silver and ice blue silk-like fabric. There was a giant Christmas tree in the corner and all around the room people were dressed in their best, not to the nines, but sociable for the occasion.

The decorations weren't her favorite part though. It was the mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg and mint that filled the room. And, of course, the model train going around the tree.

"You've out done yourself."

"I know, right? Did you see the dancing Santa?" he pointed to the St. Nick by the door.

"Everyone seems to be having a great time."

They both took a drink from their champagne flutes.

"And what about you?" He eventually asked.

"You are an excellent host, Castle."

"If I'm that excellent, then why haven't you answered my question yet?"

"I did. You just have selective hearing."

"So what you're saying is that you are still thinking about it?"

Kate put down her drink on the table before her. "I'm working."

"On accepting?"

"No, I'm working over the holidays."

He finished what was left of his champagne and placed his glass next to hers. "I don't buy it. I know you have it off."

"I'm busy." It was the only free time she had to work on her mother's case, since not only Castle, but Ryan and Esposito seemed to be watching her intently all the time.

"How can you say you are too busy to spend Christmas with me-my family? Your dad accepted my invitation weeks ago, only to say he couldn't come because you had declined."

Kate looked down at the huge bowl of eggnog, thinking about dunking her whole head it in if it got her out of this conversation.

"You need to spend Christmas with Alexis and Martha."

Castle sighed, "At least come to Christmas dinner. I'm making the biggest turkey to have ever gob-gobbled on this earth. I'll let you carve," he made slicing gestures with his hands.

Kate didn't respond, instead she caught the eye of the Montgomery girls playing with their presents that Rick had gotten them. She gave them a quick wave and they returned in kind. "That was really sweet of you to invite them."

Rick moved closer to her, "First Christmas without their father...I can't even imagine."

"You never really get used to it. You just...force yourself into a new normal," she stated quietly.

As "All I want for Christmas is you," started to play she felt his hand cover hers, "I'm just glad you were able to get out from under Flood Gates' thumb and come tonight." Both of them looked to the woman in question who had managed to commandeer Martha away from the microphone for a conversation. "I bet she goes home at night stroking her hairless cat and plotting for world domination," he brought his pinky to the side of his mouth.

"I'm surprised you invited her at all."

"New boss."

"The classic kiss-ass."

"I prefer to think of it as back scratching."

"And yet she hasn't reciprocated."

"I'm back as your partner aren't I?"

Partner? Barely. More like consultant with a shock collar. Still, Kate had fought for him and she couldn't deny she liked having him back, "Yes, your chair missed you."

"Just the chair?"

"No." she gave him a quick look, "Ryan and Esposito missed you. They say you are the cuddler of the group."

He wrapped his arms around himself and moved side to side grinning. "I'm like a teddy bear. Wanna take me for a test hug?"

Yes. Yes, she did. Especially tonight. He was dressed in a crisp maroon shirt, paired with slacks and a black dress jacket. And then there was his hair. Did it always have to look 'run-your-finger-through-it' ready?

"The eggnog is going to your head if you think that will happen."

"I haven't drunk any. You have though. Are we feeling a bit tipsy."

"Hoping to get me drunk?"

"We both know you can drink me under the table," he paused before adding, "Would you? We could do things underneath there."

"Dad?"

Alexis appeared in front of them, looking striking and adorable as always, wearing a black dress with an elf hat.

"How is my little elf this evening?"

"Would you mind if I called it a night?"

Kate took a few steps away from the two of them, to give them more privacy and to put some more distance between herself and the man whose scent was driving her crazy.

"Of course not. It will give you time to write your letter to Santa."

Alexis gave him a soft smile before looking at Kate.

"I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, Detective Beckett."

It was no longer 'Kate' and there were reasons why.

"You too, Alexis."

"I've been trying to convince Kate to spend Christmas with us," Rick cheerfully stated.

"I'm sure it's more like pestering, but," Alexis looked at her Dad with a knowing expression before gazing into Kate's eyes, "We would love to have you here." It was sincere and Kate was grateful for that.

Rick had mentioned that things with Alexis had been tense lately. Alexis had a lot to deal with at the moment and Kate really did not want to add to that list.

"I'll try and stop by. How's that?"

Alexis looked at her father before adding, "I hope you do more than try or else he will be insufferable."

"It's true. I will drown my sorrows in Mother's nog," Castle said before closing the distance Kate had made between them.

Alexis said her goodbyes before heading up the stairs. Kate shot him a look when she noticed him smiling after his daughter, "Did you put her up to that?"

"What? Asking you?"

Kate nodded.

"No, why?" He gave Kate an odd look.

"She's going through a lot and I don't want to make it harder for her."

"Why would you make it harder?"

"Never mind." Kate picked up a napkin and started to fiddle with it before his grin became too annoying.

"Really? It's been almost a month. You could at least try and look devastated for your daughter."

He did look sheepish then, "I had nothing to do with her and Ashley's break up or her deciding that Stanford wasn't for her."

"Knowing you, you were probably hiding subliminal messages in your everyday dialogue."

"It worked on you, didn't it? We are no longer dancing at arm's length."

"We don't dance at all, Castle."

"No kidding. Especially since 'Captain my Captain' keeps piling on the paper work. Were you naughty? Did you...discharge your gun inappropriately at work? You can tell me."

"Yes, that's exactly what happened, though you forgot that I was topless while doing it."

"I'm going to be temporarily unavailable while I picture that, excuse me." He put his hand to his chin and stared off into space. Then his face changed and she knew it had finally happened. Kate thought he would have figured it out by now, but he had been distracted lately.

They grew quiet. As Elvis' "If Everyday was like Christmas" washed over them and a few seconds later Castle had finally connected the dots. "You shouldn't have."

"Of course I did. It beats you showing up at my door step almost every night with some lame excuse."

"Guitar Hero is not lame," he waited a beat, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I would have done it for anyone. So don't let that ego of yours inflate."

"It's never inflated when you are around," he quipped. "At least let me help you with the forms tomorrow."

"Sorry. I live by the book now."

"That's no fun."

"I don't think a punishment is supposed to be." They were in a habit of that. It had to be considered a form of punishment to be so close yet forcing this chasm to grow between them.

"Would...would it be easier if I wasn't there?" he asked, quietly.

She shrugged, "My elephants on my desk might like a reprieve from you playing with them out of the shear boredom of just watching me do paper work."

He turned so he leaned against the table until they were shoulder to shoulder, "You know, I may come for the crime, but I stay for the people." She looked and him and found a huge grin waiting for her.

"I'll arrange for you to spend some quality time with some of the animals from lock-up. Then you can meet new people to annoy."

"But I am only truly good at annoying you."

She had only stopped pushing him away when they had solved a case involving a sniper. It brought back everything she was trying to forget and Esposito must have called him because he just showed up on her doorstep all those months ago, not saying a word and had wrapped his arms around her.

Kate stopped fighting it then. She wanted him back. She wanted what they had. So she had asked Victoria "Iron" Gates for him to come back as her partner. It took weeks of convincing, but the agreement was that Kate had to keep her nose clean, so to speak. By the book all the way. One misstep and Castle was gone. She also had to attend therapy for her PTSD and Castle was not to engage in any dangerous activities.

Everything had been going fine since he came back to the precinct. They had kept things professional and seemed to fall back into their old pattern. Outside of work, though, they had gotten closer than ever. Movie nights, dinners and late night talks about his past relationships, his childhood and even his father. He was making it impossible to not fall for him even more.

"Uh-oh this can't be good," Castle mumbled and elbowed Kate. Esposito came towards them, wearing a mistletoe head piece.

"Have you seen Lanie?"

Kate gave him a stern look, "I think she's in the kitchen avoiding both you and Jenny. Careful though, there are knives in there."

"I was not flirting with that rookie cop at the crime scene yesterday."

"Your eyes were," Castle supplied as he reached over and snatched off the mistletoe, "You are not worthy of this."

Castle went to put it on his head when Kate snatched it from him, "Don't even think about it."

Esposito looked towards the kitchen, "I need that as back up just in case she is wielding a knife."

"Just go and apologize, and mean it," Kate commanded.

Esposito hung his head and nodded, making his way towards the kitchen.

"Honeymoon period is long since over for them, isn't it?"

"They'll be fine." Kate didn't really believe that. Lanie wanted more from the relationship and Kate didn't know if Esposito was ready for the kind of commitment that Ryan and Jenny were going to undertake in February.

"You throw quite the party, Rick." Victoria Gate's strong voice demanded their attention.

"Glad you could make it."

"I was surprised by the invite."

"You're part of the team, so you shouldn't be."

"Well, you're not really part of our team and yet almost the entire 12th is here," Victoria turned her gaze from Castle (who was forcing his smile), to Kate, "Glad to see you've been able to keep him on a tight leash, Detective Beckett. You are a woman of your word."

Castle shot a side-ways glance at Kate, before addressing the new captain, "I am trainable," he joked.

"You mean containable," Victoria supplied.

"Sure, that too."

Her strong features and slicked back hair, in a bun, made her gaze all the more intense. There was something in her eyes though that Kate always took as a warning of 'not-to-go-there' with Castle. "I hope the two of you have a wonderful holiday together."

Kate and Castle let the implication settle before looking at their proximity to one another. Had they always stood that close to each other?

They quickly stepped apart as an odd grin played on the Captain's features. "Martha told me that the lovely detective here was invited to spend the holidays with you. So naturally I just assumed."

"We're just partners," Kate said, emphatically.

"Yes, so I've been told. Well, you should never be the last one to leave a party so thank you once again. Oh and...I expect to have those files on my desk after the holidays. Have a pleasant evening." Victoria made her way to the door to get her coat.

"Oh, she is definitely making it into my next book."

"She'll love that," Kate countered as more people were heading towards the door.

"If you'll excuse me. Hosting duties are calling." He gave her arm a touch, leaving her side.

Kate knew she should go and get her coat, get in a cab and go home. That would be the best decision. Instead, she made her way to his kitchen just as Lanie, with Esposito hot on her heels, moved out of the room, arguing once again.

Kate just shook her head as a familiar voice drew her attention.

"Kate, darling. Have I told you how smashing you look?" A rather tipsy Martha asked.

She had. Three times already. It wasn't anything special, just a little, simple, v-neck, evergreen, wrap-around dress that fell above the knees. And of course, heels that made Rick scan her legs as if they were skyscrapers. No jewelry except for her mother's necklace and her hair fell in waves to her shoulders.

"Thank you. And so do you."

Martha waved her hand, "Oh, well. I do try to bring out the glitz at Christmas." Martha's black glittering dress picked up the light in the kitchen, "So how are things with you and Richard."

Kate gave Martha a sympathetic look, "I was about to ask you the same question." There was definitely some tension in the Castle household and not just between Alexis and Rick, but between Martha and Rick as well.

"Ah, so my son told you." Martha grew pensive.

"I know how he can be, but it's between you and Rick so you don't have to..." Kate stated not knowing if she had already overstepped.

"I wish it were that simple," the older woman adjusted a few of her large rings on her fingers, "Nothing ever was with Richard's father. Sometimes the best of intentions can truly come and take a chunk out of our lives."

"You were...are a good mother, Martha. Rick knows you were just looking out for him."

The two women were quiet for a moment, before Martha was able to ask, "I know I have no real right to ask, but if you could...be there for him through this, when I do finally tell him?"

"I will, I promise."

"I plan on telling him before the new year and Richard told me that you didn't give him an answer regarding spending Christmas with us."

"I did actually. Ric-Castle just didn't listen."

"When it comes to you, he never will." Martha helped Kate clean up a bit before adding, "This wouldn't have anything to do with Alexis, would it?"

Kate's hand stopped mid-action before she finally picked up a few platters. "I think that it is a good idea for them to spend the holidays together."

Martha moved in and took the platters from Kate, demanding her full attention. "Don't take what she said to heart. She was upset, she and Ashley had just broken up and well, she worries about her father."

"And you're not worried?"

"I don't like the idea of him going into danger, but then I know that you don't either. Victoria told me that you stipulated he was not to follow you on ride-alongs as much and apart from interviewing witnesses in a controlled environment, that he was to stay strictly as a consultant and practically chained to the murder board."

Kate looked at the counter top, trying to see the patterns in the granite. "I know what it's like to lose a parent. I...I don't want Alexis to ever have to go through that."

"No one should have to go through that. You are doing the best you can. Besides, Alexis and Richard are in the lovely transitional phase that is about a lot more than just her being worried about his safety. You remember what you were like at that age?"

Kate thought about her motorcycle, the boys she dated, her tattoo, her overall 'wild child' ways and how her parents had reacted.

"I know you want the same thing Alexis and I want. I also know that you want him close and he wants to be with you as well. Oh, the country music he played when you wouldn't let him take you to physical therapy drove us absolutely mad. He would lock himself in his office for hours upon hours doing God knows what."

"I'm sorry about that."

"You can make it up to me by at least spending Christmas with us. You can bring your father. We can have a family dinner, together."

"You and Castle decided a tag team would work on me?"

"Is it?"

"Martha, I don't want you to think he and I are..."

"Darling, all I need to know is this: Where do you keep that picture I gave you when you left the hospital?"

Kate paused. She didn't want to display it where everyone could see it, so she put it in a place where she could always see it when she wanted to, "In the box where I keep my gun and my mother's ring," she whispered.

Martha picked up the mistletoe head band and handed it over to Kate. The actress' striking blue eyes captured Kate's attention immediately. "Time to bite the bullet, kiddo. Because the in between is killing you both."

Someone started playing the piano again from the living room, "And that's my cue to get more of my eggnog and belt out some Holly Jollies as people leave. See you at Christmas dinner!" Martha left the room in a grande swoop.

Kate made her way out of the kitchen, fiddling with the mistletoe she had in her hand. She waved her goodbyes to Ryan, Esposito, Lanie and Jenny before heading down the hallway to Rick's office. She just wanted a few moments alone.

His office was just how she remembered it: breathtaking view, books galore and simplistic design of modern and wooden fixtures. And papers strewn everywhere. He was in the midst of his next book. She wondered what his next dedication would be since his one in Heat Rises made her heart sing.

Then she drew her attention to his smart board which had plot points everywhere. In the corner of the smart board RIck had written the names of the main characters: Nikki and Rook. He circled their names and then wrote 'in love' with a question mark. That was a very good question.

She moved around his desk and looked at the scattered papers everywhere. Some were under Tolstoy's War and Peace. He had been spending so much time with her she honestly didn't know when he found time to write. Maybe that's why he looked so tired lately. He never complained, but she could see it.

Kate pushed the book aside and ran her fingers over the papers, stopping when she noticed a name she had almost forgotten. Aggie Renalds was the nurse responsible for killing Hauk, Kate's shooter during Kate's hospital stay almost seven months ago. Castle could be using her as a character in his next book. She was about to lift the paper up to read it when she heard Castle call her name.

He came through the door and his face suggested a moment of shock, but it was masked by a warm glow.

"This room is on spoiler alert!" He moved and ushered her away from behind his desk before switching off the smart board. He stacked the papers into a pile.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist," Kate commented.

"You know I will give you an advanced copy."

"Sometimes it's interesting to see how your mind works."

"You should know how it works by now."

"Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't a mystery, Castle."

"In that case..." He dipped down and opened the top drawer of his desk and brought out a present.

"Or maybe you are just predictable." She placed the head band on the desk and took the gift that he offered. "Castle, we said no gifts." She honestly didn't get him one because she knew that there was only one gift that he really wanted.

"You don't have to get me anything in return. That's not what giving is about." He scooped up the papers off the top of his desk, and put them in the desk drawer before pulling out a small box wrapped in red and gold.

"Merry Christmas, Kate."

She hesitated before opening it.

"Please tell me you aren't one of those people who saves the paper? Rip-it!"

"Fine." She ripped the paper and after she crumpled it up she threw it at him. Then she lifted the lid on the box. Inside were a stack of off-white papers that had faded from colour over time. Some of the edges were torn from being read and there were stains on the pages as well. The title though, that got her attention immediately.

"'The Adventures of Space Cowboy and Sparrow.'" She picked up the story and drew her finger over the title written in pencil. Almost too faded to read.

"See, I didn't spend anything on the gift. So you can stop feeling guilty for not getting me anything."

Didn't spend anything? What was before her was priceless. Something you give someone who will always be in your life.

She sat beside the window and started to read it using the city lights, and a few twinkle lights Rick had used to decorate his office. Rick sat next to her as she read the very first story he had ever written. It wasn't very long but the talent was there right from his early age. He had his signature sense of humor too.

Rick just watched her read it, enjoying each expression she made until the last page had been turned and she placed it back in the box.

"Awful, right?"

Kate laughed, "Not for an eight year old, though, I can't believe you named your hero Space Cowboy."

"Too literal?" he joked.

"It's...wonderful. Thank you." She got up and walked over to the desk where the mistletoe was. She looked from his gift to the mistletoe one more time, then at the door. Martha had been right. The in between was killing them. What if she just tasted what could be? Would that be enough? Was it worth the risk? She spun a new lie then. One that made her take a few deep breaths before turning to face the man that had proven that he would be there for her.

"I think I'm reconsidering our arrangement."

He leapt to his feet, "What? Why? Is this because of Hell's Gate? I've been good. I have suppressed my heroic ways and limited my criminal chasing. And.. I've only mentally undressed you twice since I've been back."

She raised an eyebrow, "Back as my partner?"

"No, back since I got back from the living room. That is a record for me."

Kate let an exasperated huff, "No wonder Gates thought there was something going on. You know her policy." Kate said, trying to convince herself against the inevitable.

"You cannot wear something like that and expect me not to look."

"It's just a dress, Castle."

"On you? No. Nothing you wear is 'just' anything."

She had worn the dress just for him. She knew he would like it and she knew his look would cling to her all night long.

"I'll make sure that next time I just wear-"

"Something see-through?"

She reached up and grabbed his ear at his audacity. Though, her subconscious was telling that she just wanted to touch him.

"OW OW OW..APPLES!"

God, his childish ways that could get them both in trouble.

"AH! BECKETT! SERIOUSLY! A.P.P.L.E.S!"

His annoying childish ways that brought a blush to her cheeks, a smile to her face after a long hard day. That made her laugh when she thought she would never get through her therapy. Her grip lessened.

Not just his childish ways.

Just his ways.

Just him.

Always. Always. Always.

Their eyes met. She felt his hands come up and flutter gently down on her hips. Kate trailed her hand from his ear, until she was gently cupping his cheek. She felt him lean into it and then lean in towards her ear. He placed a peck of his lips against her delicate skin just below her ear.

"I'm going to go before I can't," he whispered as he drew back and kissed her again, this time on the cheek.

Her breath hitched. Her eyes went wide as the world seemed to burst into sharps and high-notes as her knees betrayed her first by wanting to slump in his presence. Then, her breath quickened. Kate knew he sensed it, knew she had begged her heart to stay back.

Castle drew her hand away, a gesture she hated and thanked him for. He held her hand, she felt him squeeze it before he turned towards the door.

Her eyes darted to the desk as any consequences seemed to float away. Just as the door was about to close she called after him.

"Don't you want your present?"

"I thought you didn't get... me...one..." he trailed off as he closed the door behind him. Then his eyes focused on what must have been some cruel joke.

Kate Beckett was wearing a head band of mistletoe.

He gulped. "Um...you're kind of sending me mixed signals here."

"You should be used to that by now." She took a step towards him and he towards her, "Now, do you want your present or not?"

"Since it's Christmas, it would be rude of me not to accept it." Because of her heels they were almost at eye level The mistletoe tickled the top of his hair.

"True. A host should always accept their gifts."

His hands found their home at the side of her neck and his thumbs lifted her jaw towards him. She separated her lips, running her tongue over them in anticipation. He didn't start there though.

Like lightly applying pressure to piano keys, he wrote a tune of their own with lingering kisses. First on her forehead, cheeks, then finally on her lips. This vibration of languid motion slowly tormented her lips, her mouth. Leisurely and lovingly taking what she had to offer; her cadence mixing with his stress and tones. He finally pulled away taking her bottom lip between his teeth and pulling it before letting go.

His hands stayed where they were.

He went to step away from her but she grabbed him by the front of his shirt and with her other hand she drew the mistletoe from her hair, allowing it to fall to the floor. Just a taste? No. She wanted more.

"You don't need mistletoe to kiss me senseless, do you...Rick?" Her voice strong, yet barely audible.

His eyes went wide and he quickly glanced at the safe on his wall and then back at his desk as if he was holding something from her, "I-I don't...we..." he gave up, "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

She nodded. They both were.

The detective pushed him until he was sitting on the edge of his desk.

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her flush with his body. They were both smiling as their lips met. There were no guises, no pretenses. The lies they kept were subdued by the momentum that had started years ago. Their joining lips knew that and so did their roaming hands. The surreal and the sublime competed in that moment, flickering back and forth. It was a taste of what could come or would come given an opportunity to explore: bliss. Oh the taste of the sweet, succulent, and spectacular bliss.

He pulled back as their chests heaved up and down. Smoldering fires burned bright at what had truly been exposed.

They both laughed and his hand found the side of her face. Soon his nose was beside hers, nuzzling, "Spend Christmas with me?" He leaned out and held out his hand for her to take it.

"Since, you asked so... nicely," she taunted, taking his hand.

"'Nicely'? I'll give you 'nicely'." His lips captured hers once again as the lights from the city danced in delight.

* * *

><p><strong>. . . . . . . . . .<br>**

**September 17th, 2012**

**. . . . . . . . . .  
><strong>

Kate moved from her memories to the present. Her leather clad glove gripped the railing so it made a squeaking sound. That had been one of the best Christmas' of her life. Happiness, though it seemed brief, had found her and it carried well into the new year.

That was months ago, though. The door of the Old Haunt loomed ahead, like a vault she wished she had forgotten the combination to. She shouldn't have come. Too much had happened. Too many mistakes had apologies clinging to them like band-aids only to have them slowly pulled off over time.

Kate wouldn't have shown up if it wasn't for a particular ME and her all too knowing ways. Lanie had been persistent. A pit-bull on Kate's pant leg. But instead of baring teeth, it was chocolate and coffee. Kate tried her usual tactics: evasiveness, walking away. They didn't work. Out of a moment of frustration Kate had told the ME, not only what had happened at the warehouse, but what had been going on since she had been shot almost a year and half ago.

After Lanie had read her the riot act for not telling her everything that a best friend should, her advice had been simple.

Simple, that is, for anyone who wasn't Kate Beckett.

As if on cue her phone started to ring in her pocket for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last hour. She pulled it out. Seeing various messages and texts from Castle, and one recently from Lanie stating:

"_He's doing that pouty thing with his face ;)" _

Kate looked at her father's watch. The second hand ticked on by as the other two hands were well passed the witching hour. Of course they were waiting. She punched a few keys and sent a message back to Lanie:

"_Running late. Paperwork. Be there soon."_

Kate turned her phone off and shoved it in her pocket before looking at the stairway before her. She just had to treat this like a casual evening between friends. Ignore any pachyderms lurking in the shadows, and barb along as if nothing had changed. Yet, her hand still gripped the railing. Her feet still wanted to run in the opposite direction.

She reached in her pocket and fiddled with the folded piece of paper. A gesture that she had been doing for weeks since the last time she spoke to Castle. Was she ready to up the ante? Was she ready to bet all she had on it?

"_Risking our hearts is why we're alive. The last thing you want is to look back at your life and wonder, if only." _

Castle almost became an 'if only'. Two weeks ago she had finally come face to face with the man who had started it all. The man behind her mother's murder, behind Roy's death. He was behind bars now, his political career and life were over. She had amounted iron clad evidence and she had finally accomplished what she had longed for.

It should have been one of the happiest days of her life, but it was marred by the image of Castles beaten and broken body. She felt her heart and soul split on that day. The one thing that she wanted to stop from happening, did. Castle had followed her into the Dragon's Lair and almost got killed.

Kate slumped down on the old establishment's steps and stared at the writing on her helmet. Detective Beckett could face down criminals, work alongside him every day under the guise of her professionalism, but strip that away and all your were left with was Kate. The part of her who wanted things that almost anyone passing along the street above wanted. That innate human beat to seek out the notes of life.

She caught a glimpse of that once when she put down her conductor's baton and actually joined in the orchestra. It was brief, and her audience was of one, but oh how their symphony roared.

Kate leaned her head against her arm that was still hanging onto the railing, and reached into her leather jacket and pulled out something else.

A one way ticket to risking her heart once again.

**. . . . . . . . . .**

* * *

><p>I hope you enjoyed Part I. This is not a very long story since I took my key plot moments from my second and third stories and mashed them together. The next chapter will have an M section, but I will indicate where for you youngins :D<p>

I would love to hear your thoughts. Any feedback you are willing to give is very helpful and helps me work on my writing. I will always respond in kind. So, reviews are welcomed and definitely encouraged. If you are willing to alert then I hope you are willing to review. :D

Next update will be sometime this week!

Cheers,

Rini :D


	2. Part II

**PLEASE READ:** The majority of this chapter is** T,** but there is a **M** section to this chapter. What I will do is if you don't want to read the M section then when you see this: **"M SECTION"**, please stop reading. You can continued reading when you see this: **"END OF M**" I promise, you won't miss anything that will hinder your understanding the story.

And...a huge, colossal shout-out to my beta **Tadpole24**. Thank you so much for rummaging through my murky grammatical waters and for giving me such amazing feedback. You...you are amazing. Oh, and any mistakes are my own because I always have last minute adds. :D

* * *

><p><strong>A Heart's Haunt: Part II<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>. . . . . . . . . .<strong>

**September 17th, 2012**

**. . . . . . . . . .**

"Try saying 'Alakazam'. That might make her appear," Lanie stated before she placed the straw between her lips, decreasing the contents of her drink.

"Who?" It was the best Castle could come up with at the moment as he sat across from three of his friends in an otherwise empty Old Haunt.

"Uh-uh."

"She's probably just running late," Ryan said, "You know that paper work on our desks doesn't magically disappear, right?"

"Usually she calls, texts. Not me, but one of you," Castle mumbled.

"There's no more boogie men now. She is just running late." Lanie leaned back against the booth, "We know these last two weeks have been tough, for both of you."

"Could we not speak in understatements," Castle pouted. "The last few months have been a blurry haze of pain."

Lanie just shook her head and then looked at her lap. Faint tapping sounds emerged.

"We get it. You're desperate," the blue-eyed detective stated.

Castle was the first one to admit that while he and Kate had both played Russian roulette with the truth; only he had managed to shoot himself with his own lies.

"It's not like you haven't seen her secretly for months and when you were in the hospital. She did tell you that she-" there was a swift thump underneath the table, "Owwwhat I mean is, she'll be here." Javier glared at Lanie, who was giving him a sweet smile before returning to her phone.

Castle didn't remember much from the hospital, and he was fairly certain what he did remember, those words mingling with her voice, weren't real. Or maybe they were. Maybe the three across from him knew something.

First, Castle eyed Ryan. He was trying to make his eyes empty of all knowledge and then started staring at the roof, then the wall and started mumbling about how the renovations on the Old Haunt were taking forever. No, Ryan wouldn't do. Next, Castle turned his attention to Esposito, who gave Castle a 'not in a million years are you getting anything out of me with Lanie here' look. So he conceded to his final option.

"Lanie, sweet, wonderful, Lanie. Have I mentioned how beautiful you look tonight?"

The woman in question raised her brows while still gazing in her lap.

"Dude, that is so _not_ going to work," Esposito said.

"What's not going to work? I'm just complimenting a friend on being stunning after working, tirelessly, around dead bodies all day."

The ME put her phone on the table and smiled, "Why thank you, Castle, but I don't know anything."

They stared at each other. Lanie tried to remain impassive and indifferent. It didn't work. She had a sort of giddiness behind her eyes masked with caution and a 'you broke her heart' kind of look.

Castle could tell she wanted to blurt it out, badly.

He took a chance and leaned forward, "You know why you never win any of our poker games? Because your hand is always written all over your face."

Lanie looked to Esposito for a counter statement, "Sorry Chica, it's true. You did the same thing when I asked you if you found the ring before I gave it to you."

"I still acted surprised when you did ask," she held out her hand and admired the engagement ring. She looked up and found Castle leaning in and batting his eyelashes.

"Fine, I know_ all!_ I still can't tell you. Sworn to secrecy and all that girly stuff."

"Just a hint?" Castle didn't even bother to hide the pleading tone in his voice.

"It took me two weeks of intense chocolate and coffee therapy to get it out of her. And somehow I gained three pounds!"

"Didn't notice." Esposito wrapped his arm around Lanie.

"You get points for saying it so quickly." Lanie gave him a quick peck on his cheek before looking back at Castle's pleading face. She pointed a finger at him, "Girl Code."

Castle gazed at his skiff of St. Miriam whiskey in his glass. He hadn't taken a sip. God, he didn't want to drink, eat, sleep, he wanted a time machine to make things right.

"He's doing that mopey thing that Beckett does at her desk all the time," Ryan whispered to his partner.

Castle's shoulders slumped, he stopped the movement when he felt a sharp shooting pain, forcing a mild smile to his face. A reminder.

"She just needs time. Look at us? We forgave you for not telling us about the files." Ryan added with a grin. Castle could tell that there was the edge of hurt still behind his blue eyes.

"But we weren't giving him 'injector sites' on his neck." Javier grinned.

Ryan nodded, "True. Does that mean we should still be mad?"

"Thanks. This is helping," Castle grumbled.

"We could be mad at him for not listening to us when we told him to stay in the car at the warehouse," the brown-eyed detective countered.

"Gates already gave me the riot act and told me I wasn't allowed back at the 12th until Beckett says I can come back. I disapprove of that female solidarity." He gave Lanie a look.

He started to slide his drink back and forth between his fingers. The image of Kate, bound, gagged, and bleeding seared across his memory, "I can't apologize for it. That psycho Aggie and her pocket sniper were torturing her. I didn't see the other guards. All I saw was Kate." The memory played across his mind, sliding across strings befitting of Beethoven's 'Requiem'.

"We would have done the same. That's what a partner does," Ryan stated, "Except..."

Castle regarded his friend. "Except that what?"

"Except you didn't have a gun."

Right. That minor detail. "I had these," Castle held up his fists, which were still cut up and bruised from pummeling one of the guards.

"So did the other guy," Ryan looked at Castle's marred face: remains of a split lip, severe black eye and bruising on his jaw could still be seen.

"Butch-badges," Castle supplied pointing to his face.

"More like pitiful-patches." Esposito stated, "But, they seemed to work for you. Especially with the ladies. Well, lady."

"How so?"

The two detectives shared a look, both of them ignoring the warning look Lanie was giving them.

"Beckett seemed mighty concerned in the warehouse. Concerned enough to hold your hand, barge her way into the ambulance and then at the hospital..." Ryan trailed off.

"So you guys did hear it? It wasn't just my imagination?"

"Hear what?" Esposito asked with a blank look.

Castle's face fell.

"She agreed to drinks tonight, didn't she?" Ryan leaned over and slugged him in the arm, forgetting for a moment.

Castle winced causing the other three at the table to cringe.

"Sorry. I thought it was the other arm."

Castle gave him an unimpressed look, "Pain builds character."

"Like you need anymore of that," Lanie looked at her watch, "It's late and we have plans..." she trailed off; her tone made Esposito grab his coat and hers immediately.

"Yeah, Jenny wants me to pick up Rocky-Road, sardines and chocolate sauce."

Everyone at the table grew warm expressions. "Pregnancy agrees with her," Castle commented.

"Did Meredith have any cravings?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, but hers were far more...expensive," Castle supplied, "Do you know what you're having yet?"

Ryan looked down at his phone, which they all knew had a picture of the sonogram on it, "We're having a boy." His blue eyes grew misty.

"Congratulations!" Lanie leaned over to give Ryan's arm a squeeze, while Javier slapped him on the back.

"Of course I'm going to be his Godfather," Javie stated with a matter-of-fact tone.

"What? ! If he is going to be the Godfather then you are naming the kid after me," Castle exclaimed.

"Don't go there," Javie warned, "I'm his partner."

"Great, this is the best man thing all over again," Lanie mumbled.

Ryan ignored the fighting, "I better check in, just to see if Jenny wants anything else."

"You just texted her a few minutes ago." The brown-eyed detective scooted out of the booth, to put Lanie's coat on.

"I was just checking in," Ryan said defensively, before sliding out of the booth as well.

"Whipped."

"Not just me." Ryan gestured to Lanie's purse that Esposito was now carrying.

"It's called being a gentleman. You wouldn't know anything about that."

"Speaking of whipped, you're staying here, I assume?" Lanie asked Castle.

"If you haven't noticed I am renovating this establishment. Restoring it to its pristine glory of yesteryear."

"You took on a hobby to get your mind off Beckett," Esposito said.

"That too. But if, and I mean _if_, I am still here and she does show up, then I might say 'hi'."

"When she does..." Lanie paused before looking at Ryan and Esposito, "Could you two give us a sec."

The two male detectives nodded and moved a few paces towards the door, at a glacial pace.

"I only know bits and pieces of what went down between you and Kate since you two decided not to tell anyone about the fact that you had been dating."

"Dating?" Castle questioned. Was it that? Dating Kate never really fell under such normal terminology. No labels. No definitions. They fell together into the physical while avoiding other things. It was what they needed at the time and he would be hard pressed to ever regret having that with Kate.

"Fine. Worshiping each other privately."

Castle couldn't quite look her in the eye after that statement.

"I will tell you something, but you better put it to good use, or I am officially cutting you off."

"What about your Girl-Code?"

Lanie narrowed her eyes, and put a hand on her hip, "Happiness of a friend trumps the shit out of the Girl-Code." Then, she rested her hand on his, "When you see her you tell her."

"What?"

Lanie's face softened, "That you love her."

Rick had said that to her three times already. Granted the first two she didn't hear him, or he thought she hadn't heard him and the third, well, he lived up to his 'bad timing' trait.

"It can't be that simple?"

"This is Kate, of course it's not that simple. But it's a start to the whole host of other things you need to_ talk_ about."

Castle moved his glass of St. Miriam around in his hand, "I-I don't know if we can get back what we had."

"What was that exactly? Secret trysts behind closed doors?" Lanie shook her head, "You need to tell her why she is different because we both know that an apology isn't really what she needs. She knows she is just as much to blame for all of this. So you need to tell her why she is it for you."

"She knows why. I've told her about Kyra, Meredith and Gina. She knows why my marriages and relationships have failed."

"Yes, she knows why they failed but she has no idea why it would work with her given what has happened."

"She has to know what she means to me," he whispered.

"No. She doesn't. Come clean. About everything, especially since the two of you are hell bent on making your relationship as epic as possible."

Castle watched condensation slide down the side of his glass, "Thanks, Lanie."

"I should warn you that the two men staring at you over there, especially the one whose ass looks fine in those jeans-" she blew a kiss at Esposito.

"-Ew-"

"-They are her brothers in every way that counts."

"Understood."

"Are you sure? Because even though they were trying to keep her safe as well, you didn't tell them about the files either and you did a repeat offense of breaking her heart."

"I get it. Keeping the files was a horrible idea. Lying to her was a whole level of stupidity. I will get it tattooed on my forehead if you want. Wait...repeat offense?"

Lanie crossed her arms, "God, Kate is such a vault sometimes," Lanie gave a huff, "Hamptons, about two years ago."

He gave her a blank expression.

"She was going to go with you. She broke up with Demming before you showed up with Gina."

It was as if a piano had fallen on his head and his teeth were keys playing a ridiculously sad tune of revelation, "She never told me."

"She guards her heart pretty well. Especially from you." He had played conductor on that front. Demanded everything about her mother's case and then tried to keep it from her. He had all the sheet music and wasn't willing to share with her until he was forced to about two months ago.

"Lanie...are you sure she's coming tonight?"

"Yes. Why?"

"There's something else I have to tell her."

Lanie shook her head "Too late."

"What?"

"She knows. Alexis told her."

"When?"

"She and Kate had quite a long talk at the hospital while you were getting your ass handed to you by Nurse Karen."

"I guess...I guess it's for the best." Castle said. He just needed to give her some space. Or maybe he just needed to grab her and never let her go. He really didn't know anymore.

He heard Lanie sigh. Rick looked at her and saw that she had finally lost the battle. "We must have heard two very different things in the hospital room then, because it sounded like she was giving you a reason to stay."

His lips desperately wanted to reach for the stars, "She did say it."

"Of course she did. She's felt that way long before the Hamptons mishap." She patted his cheek tenderly, "Figure it out Writer Boy, because you know that what you have is worth fighting for."

He gave a nod of 'thank you'. And with that Lanie turned towards the door where Ryan and Esposito were waiting.

Castle didn't watch them go. His eyes were studying the grains of wood on the well-used table before him, as he remembered a time when things were blissfully, magically blanketed under stars of lies.

* * *

><p><strong>. . . . . . . . . .<strong>

**February 10th, 2012**

**. . . . . . . . . .**

Rick finished rigging up the giant sheet for movie night. He had made an unhealthy amount of popcorn and snacks, and even had wine taken out if she wanted that. Everything, except the wine at the moment, was all placed carefully on the table in front of the couch. He wanted to keep this casual, and for once he was with someone who actually enjoyed just being with him. It had been a long time since he felt that way.

After Christmas, Rick thought things would fall back to normal or how they used to be. That it was just a one-time kiss. He was wrong. She was there for him when Martha told him about his father and after that he took another chance and kissed her again. They hadn't looked back. It wasn't conventional by any means but it was a start for them. Starting notes to a sort of divine intervention that made everything seem fresh, and lush with twists of silver and spring time inspired sonatas.

The last two months had been an incomparable time of contented bliss. Not only did all the songs make sense, he hummed most of them in the shower now. Even in simple moments, like talking all night on her couch or just sitting with each other while he wrote and she read. No words passed between them and there was no need for them to be.

Then there were the moments of soft kisses she would give him, a touch here or there. Never at the precinct, that was reserved for quick looks to their lips, eyes, figures when they thought no one was looking. And her apartment was tricky as well, because Lanie and Esposito were still in the throes of whatever their relationship was and there were a few nights when Lanie showed up at Kate's unexpectedly. Castle would hide in Kate's bedroom, which was fine, her room was like a new mystery to him. Discovering her personal style, tastes and quirks she had kept hidden.

He looked back around his apartment and smiled. Maybe, just maybe, she would consider spending the night. They hadn't crossed that final line yet, and they had both been hesitating. She had accepted his invitation though and she knew that Martha and Alexis were going to be out of town this weekend. Kate hadn't specified if she would be staying over, but she didn't say she wasn't either.

There was a clicking sound at the door that caused Rick to sprint over to welcome her.

He swung the door open, "Ka-Alexis, Mother...w-what are you doing here?"

"Grams forgot her script."

"That's not like you." Rick said to Martha as she followed Alexis in the room. Rick quickly looked out the door, worried that the other woman in his life would show up.

"Yes, I know, but while we are in our mud-baths I want Alexis to run lines with me. It is the only role I can manage with my school responsibilities at the moment," Martha stated going up the stairs, "I know I left it somewhere in the midst of packing."

Castle looked at his daughter, "Running lines?"

"It was the only way I could get her to not throw my text books out the car window."

He brought his daughter in for a hug, "My daughter, the best Grandma wrangler I know. It was good of you to do this."

Alexis moved to sit on a stool beside the kitchen island, "The next couple of months are going to be busy and then in the fall I won't be here and...I guess it is nice to get away."

He sat on the stool across from her, "It's not like you will be going far. Yale is just around the corner and so is Harvard."

"Dad. You know that I am considering Oxford."

"What is wrong with you child? Seeking a higher education at all. I thought I raised you better."

"We agreed that you would wait until we got back for you to present your arguments." Alexis stated, then finally looked about the apartment, "Expecting someone, Dad?"

Rick started to draw circles on the granite counter top with his finger. "No...I'm having a Star Wars marathon."

"By yourself?"

"Yes. I like me. I'm fun. Why wouldn't I want to hang out with myself?"

"So you aren't expecting someone...a certain detective perhaps."

"You got me. Boys night. Ryan and Esposito are coming over."

"You're serving them wine?" Alexis gestured to the counter.

"They have refined tastes."

Alexis gave him a look of 'don't bother lying'. "Daaaaad..."

"Yes, daughter?"

"You've been grinning incessantly for the past month."

"I'm...happy. You want me to be happy, don't you? " It wasn't exactly perfect but what he had with Kate was enough to make everything seem new, lovely and bold. He honestly felt he could take on the world when he was with her.

Alexis looked at her gloves, fiddling with the fabric, "I know you are," she said quietly.

Rick shifted nervously for a moment at his daughter's expression. Alexis had made it clear that she did not like him working at the precinct, but a conversation he had with Kate at Christmas came back. Maybe things weren't only strained between himself and his daughter, but between Alexis and Kate as well.

"I know you aren't exactly happy that I am working back at the precinct. And I'm beginning to think that it has something to do with more than you being worried about me."

Alexis struggled for a few more moments before she finally added, "I don't want to lose you and I knew I couldn't stop you...so I..."

"You what?" Rick asked hoping like hell that it wasn't what he thought it was.

She looked at her father, blue eyes wavering with tears, "I asked her not to let you back, for her to stay away so you wouldn't be tempted to go back."

Rick felt his heart sink, "Alexis, how could-"

"It was when she finally came back to work and you wanted to be there and I just...you almost took a bullet for her." Alexis got up from her seat and started to pace, "And I thought if you didn't go back then you would be safer. I knew that Detective Beckett was the only one who could make you stay away."

Rick leaned back against the counter and looked at his daughter, not really knowing what to say or if he just wanted to yell at her.

"It worked, at first, but then when Detective Esposito called that night asking for you because of the sniper case and the look on your face. I knew then that it was more than just you following her around. I knew how much she really meant to you."

Rick waited a moment or two before he was sure his voice was even, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried, but we were arguing so much and then Ashley and I broke up. And then at Christmas I saw you two together and...how could I ask that of her? It was truly awful after everything she had been through to ask her to stay away. I know how much she means to you and I know how much she cares for you because she did try and keep her distance, for me, to protect you."

Rick looked at his beautiful daughter and for the first time he finally started to see it. Really see it. A couple of months from now she would be gone, starting her life and knowing Alexis like he did, it would be at Oxford. And that would leave Rick there, in the apartment, alone. Except that's not how he wanted it. He wanted Kate to be in his life, making those moments missing his daughter bearable.

Alexis did her best to stop her tears from falling, "Dad. I'm so sorry."

Rick walked up and took his daughter's hands in his. He remembered how tiny they were when she was young. Now, her hands were of a young woman.

"Alexis, you need to know that I am trying to be more careful, and I don't want you to worry about me, even though I know you will. But I'm not walking away from Kate."

Alexis nodded, "I'm happy for you. I've never seen you this way before. Detective...Kate is really good for you, Dad."

"I'm sorry too. I never meant to hide our relationship from you. It's just-"

"Grams told me about Captain Gates' and her professionalism stick up her...well, she told me."

"Mother knows?...Of course she does, she's Martha Rogers...wait...is that why you two are really going on this trip?"

"She thought it was a good idea to give you some alone time without having to stay at Kate's and tell me you are just out late, researching a case."

"Not all those were lies." Rick got a worried expression. Kate really wanted to keep this between them. She hadn't even told Lanie or her father yet.

"We won't say a thing. Promise . And..." She looked at him with a look of conviction, "I will make it up to her. I'll make things right."

He hugged his daughter again, "Look at you, all grown up."

"Then I must be grown up enough to go to Oxford."

"I'm black-balling that option entirely."

"AH-HA! Finally found it." Martha started walking down the stairs. Though Rick had his suspicions she had been standing there for a while, "It somehow ended up under my sheets."

"Like so many things, Mother."

"Good thing Kate likes that wit of yours. Now come along Alexis, before Kate shows up and we have one of those awkward mom-"

"Detective Beckett...nice to see you again," Alexis loudly stated.

Rick's gaze flew to the door where Kate was standing in what had to be the most sinfully sculptured pair of jeans he had ever seen.

"Am I interrupting? Because...I'll just go..." Kate went to turn but the entire Castle clan called out to stop her. Rick managed to sprint ahead of her and block her exit.

"Darling, we are the ones who are leaving," Martha put her hands around her granddaughter, "You two have a lovely weekend." Martha ushered Alexis to the door.

"Bye Detective...Kate," The young girl said as the door closed behind them.

"Here, let me take your coat," Kate shrugged it off her shoulders for him.

"What just happened?"

"Consider that their stamp of approval."

Kate gave an odd smile that was more nervous than angry.

"You're not mad?"

She shook her head and gave him a soft, knowing smile, "It was bound to happen since you can't keep your hands off me. We'll just have to be more careful."

"Me? I've had my butt squeezed enough times that it goes both ways." He leaned down and softly kissed her, "They won't say anything."

"It's OK Rick, really. I shouldn't have asked you to keep something like this from your daughter."

"My daughter has kept some things from me as well."

She tentatively ran her hands up his chest, "That was months ago and she did it because she loves you."

He brought his hands down to her sides, making sure he brought her closer to him in the process, "I don't know whether to be angry at you for pushing me away for all those months or kiss you for caring about my daughter enough to try and keep me safe."

Kate beat him to it and rested her lips briefly against his, "She was so scared at the thought of losing you. I agreed to it because it's not worth the risk. You should write about crime, not be in the thick of it."

"And now?"

"I still feel that way. But I just...you just won't stay away."

Rick smiled and pointed to his chest, "Moth," he then pointed at her, "Flame. So naturally you couldn't keep me at bay for long."

A worried and fearful expression streaked across her green eyes before she safely tucked it away again. "Moth? And you call yourself a writer."

"I'm distracted. This gorgeous woman has her hands all over me. Metaphors tend to be sacrificed."

She shook her head and her deepest thoughts seemed to be locked away again. Rick wondered if there was ever going to be a time when he could read her like a book. He hoped not.

Kate turned her gaze from him and eyed the living room.

"Oh no."

"Oh yes. My dear detective, you must allow me to take you to a galaxy far far away..." He led her to the couch and gestured to the couch, "Please take a seat in the Millennium Falcon, also known as my couch."

She sat, not even trying to stop her smile, "We've both seen these movies."

Rick started the projector, "Not together."

"And with your commentary."

He turned off the lights, "I make the sexiest Wookiee sound, ever." For effect he sat beside her and started to do his impression of Chewbacca. Her short bursts of deep laughter filled the room as the Star Wars theme started to roll. Rick wrapped his arm around her as A New Hope started to play.

It was well into The Empire Strikes Back when Rick realized that she was probably just as big a Star Wars fan as he was. They bantered back and forth with such ease that he desperately did not want what he harbored to get in the way of that. He had something potentially fatal to their relationship. It didn't matter at this moment. All that mattered was that she was here, with him, and was completely wrong about what the best Star Wars movie was.

"Blasphemous!"

"I thought the Ewoks were cute. I didn't say I liked it better than Empire," Kate countered as she stretched her legs out on his couch. He couldn't resist watching her perform the task, especially in those jeans.

"At least you despise The Phantom Menace." Rick mumbled as he drew her closer to his side. Han and Leia were arguing once again on the icy planet in the Hoth system, providing some atmosphere.

"I said it was my least favorite."

"Split all the hairs all you want detective, I know the truth."

Rick caught the smile playing on her lips and felt her move closer to his side. He adjusted his arm around her so she could move even closer.

"Are you coming to the 12th tomorrow?" Kate asked.

"Miss me?" He had been trying to write from home for the past couple of days and trying to find a safer place for all the Roy's files other than his apartment.

"No."

"It's just as I feared, you are not getting enough Castle time."

"It was just a question."

"I deal only in subtext now. Specifically, Beckett subtext." He placed a chaste kiss on her head, "Like the other day when you were picking up the files off of the floor, I knew it was an unequivocal invite for me to ogle you."

She shook her head, "I knew you knocked those on purpose."

"Damn right I did. And I would do it again, and again and-" he purred deeply before inhaling the scent of her shampoo: fruity with a hint of vanilla.

"What am I going to do with you?" she posited the question more to herself than to him.

"Anything, and I mean _anything,_ you want. Even a few things that should be illegal and even the things that require me to start taking yoga."

She playfully slapped his arm as the movie ran its course. He stopped to make light saber sounds, insisting that it brought greater depth to the movie. Rick even managed to get her to do it once or twice which delighted him to no end.

As the movie drew to an end he couldn't help but tense up at the confrontation between Luke and Darth Vader. The conversation at Christmas with his mother was not one he would soon forget. Kate must have sensed it because she looked up at him.

"Don't worry. Darth isn't my father. 'Cause that would make me Luke and you are most definitely Leia, so I am Han, your adorable nerf herder."

She leaned out of his embrace until she was leaning against the side of the couch, staring at him. He turned his body until he was a mirror image of hers. Kate just continued to look at him, her green eyes as magical and piercing as a thousand moonlit evergreens. He knew what she was asking. He had given her insight into why his past relationships had failed and she knew more about his childhood than anyone else. And now she knew about this. Had been there for him at Christmas when his mother told him. If the tables were turned, which they had been and still were, he would be doing the same thing.

"Are you OK?" It was gentle, like a lullaby. How she did it he didn't know, but the safety net it provided was just enough.

"Finding out about my father doesn't change anything. He knew she was pregnant and he left. This wasn't the life he wanted and I can't fault him for that, nor do I want to seek him out either."

"How are things between you and Martha?"

Rick bobbed his head from side to side, "Same as always."

"She's been going on a lot of spa weekends."

"Kate, I don't know what to say to her. I know why she kept it from me. She thought she was doing what was best. I understand that more than anyone."

She gently placed her hand on his outstretched arm, "If you do ever decide to satisfy your curiosity-"

"Who said I was curious?"

He was, but he also knew where curiosity got you. He still hadn't looked at the name of the person behind Beckett's mother's death. It was a deniability factor. If he didn't know then all of this, what they had for the last two months wouldn't be tainted. He didn't need another thing to worry about. Rick wanted things just as they were. Kate was safe. Kate was happy. He wasn't going to try and change that.

She gave his arm a squeeze before turning her gaze back to the movie.

"That's it? You aren't going to tell me that I should find him? That I should know where I came from, who I came from? That maybe if I did all my fantasies about who he was might come crashing down? I'm fine the way things are."

As the credits started to roll she looked at him again, "I would help you find him. And would go with you, if you wanted," she added, her voice steady and sure.

He didn't know if he was ready for that. Frankly, any sort of truth other than the woman sitting next to him, he wanted to avoid. Shove to the side. Pretend it didn't exist. But then again, all sand castles will wash away at some point.

"Promise?" He asked quietly. He brought her hand into his. For something so delicate they could be deadly. He just loved the feel of them, especially her long fingers as they ran through his hair.

"No matter what happens," Kate said with an ominous base beat.

He didn't like the fateful undertones of her. Like when he was at her apartment, her shutters were bare, void of anything pertaining to her mother's case, however he noticed a new chest that she kept locked and under a throw blanket. Kate told him it was just something she used for storage. Castle didn't press, he just became more vigilant with regards to her. Rick knew they were both guarding things. The situation was slowly building into strings of capillaries waiting for their moment to burst and stain everything red.

"All I need is you, Alexis and Mother, and for us to tell people we are seeing each other," he felt her body tense, "I know and I do like being your dirty little secret."

"You're more than that."

"Right, I'm not so...little..." He was certain her eye roll would fall under the category of 'epic'. "So are you ready for some buck-tooth bears throwing primitive weapons at space ships?"

"It's late." Was all she said.

"Don't let the moon fool ya; it just decided to come out early tonight."

She looked at his large windows that showed a wintery New York. "I have work tomorrow."

"What? I thought you had it off?"

"Gates and her grindstone."

"Play hooky with me?"

She shook her head, "Don't you have to prepare a certain bachelor party tomorrow night?"

"Everything is all set, even though I am sharing best man duties with Esposito. I campaigned the hardest you know."

"I was there for your soap box moments and for the bribes you gave everyone at the 12th. Gates was positively thrilled." He chuckled at the memory of Gates' face before Kate continued, "Look on the bright side, won't there be a pole and a woman dancing with it?"

"Whaaat? I am truly offended that you, my beautiful, stunning..." he paused not knowing if he was supposed to give her the label he so desperately wanted to. . "That you would think that I, Rick Castle, would stoop so low as to actually hire female dancers who may or may not take their clothes off."

She gave him an amused expression, "Jenny is having male strippers, so I just thought I'd ask."

"Oh. Then, yes, at one point there might be. But I won't look. Eyes closed the entire time."

"I'm not closing my eyes, just so you know." Her lips played in an upward swing that drove him mad.

"I know I shouldn't find that arousing."

Kate gave a low chuckle as she got up, slower than usual. Rick took it as a sign that she didn't want to go. He didn't want her to go.

They made their way to the door. Kate unlocked it, yet the door remained unopened. She turned and started to play with the front of his shirt, bringing him closer.

"We do have Casa de Castle to our selves. If you wanted to stay for the night, I will promise only PG-13 spooning."

"I should go." She bit her lip.

"'Should' is a horrible word. I think you should shoot it."

Her lips desperately wanted to play in a upward fashion, "I can't stay."

"'Can't' is just as bad. Blind fold it, give it a cigarette and put it out of its misery."

She leaned up and kissed him, then whispered against his lips, "I don't want to go, but I think it's best if I do."

"That sentence had so much potential before the end."

She gave a frustrated sigh. He wasn't sure if it was at him or at herself. Rick decided to make her another offer.

"Then I will just have to kiss you goodnight."

"Just a kiss?" she questioned "It's never _just_ a kiss."

He leaned towards her, "No...it isn't."

Rick moved her hair away from her shoulder, to make more room for his lips to find her pulse. Her beat, slow and steady, at the base of her neck. His message was clear, blunt and desire filled. He speckled her neck with tiny little kisses, knowing that it drove her nuts.

"Until tomorrow, Kate." His breath tickled her skin, making her shiver.

She made no movement to stop him, so he decided to keep tantalizing his way along the flesh he found hidden beneath the collar of her shirt. Her head dipped to the side allowing new notes and chords for him to follow until he found her ear lobe, bringing it in between his teeth. That made her writhe her body against his. It was enough to change his soft laugh into a groan.

"You know, I've been dying to find out if you really do sleep with a gun."

"Oh, I'm definitely armed."

"And dangerous," he added before kissing her soundly.

"Right, I was leaving." She managed to say too coherently for his liking between kisses.

"Yes, you were. Though I can't remember why."

His hands found her hair as she looked into his eyes, marveling at the whimsy and passion he saw in her deep green eyes.

Reasons like 'taking things slowly' and getting to know each other beyond adumbrated levels sounded right in the light of day, when his lips weren't exploring her flesh. Now, it sounded like an excuse against the inevitable. An excuse that left them both wanting after each moment together.

"I'm sure I... had my reasons," she emphasized. Whatever was holding her back she wasn't able to subdue it. He tried to find it in her eyes, but all he saw was a certainty directed at him.

His eyes took on a second life of expectancy, "Had?"

She clicked the lock into place.

"Oh,_ had_."

Kate moved away from the door. Rick stayed behind. This was it. The moment that he had pretty much thought about since the first day he met her. That line that they had crafted was about to be abolished and not under the perfect of circumstances. He knew could have done this better.

He turned and suddenly his face was hit with what felt like jean material. As he pulled it away he saw her standing there, in his hallway, and knew that this was about to turn into an intimate, carnal rhapsody. Shapely creams and pale-pink limbs stood now in his own kitchen, supporting the most beautiful source of perfection he had ever encountered.

Rick smiled when he finally made it to the top of her legs, "Cheekies. I knew it. Granny panties would have had the same desired effect, though."

Kate dipped her hip coyly. "Actually, there are moments where I prefer to go commando."

He gulped, "Like now?"

"Like now."

He exhaled, "Keep saying things like that and I'm not going to last very long."

"Then you better get over here before I change my mind." Her voice had a bravado, but he could tell she was nervous and he was grateful for that because so was he.

"Kate, if you want to just-"

"Rick...I just want you."

And there it was. How he had longed to hear those words. Almost as much as three words he would wait a lifetime to hear from her. Rick pushed himself away from the door and as he strode towards her, all his worries seemed to stay behind with each step.

**M SECTION**

"You truly have no idea what you do to me." His words were barely audible.

She gave a quick glance down, then to his lips and finally landed on his eyes, "I'm starting to get the picture."

With mildly shaky hands, he started to unbutton her crisp, dark green dress shirt. With each button, more was revealed. He had to stop just to make sure this was real.

"You aren't one of those people who don't like ripping shirts, are you? Rip-it."

Rick did so, causing Kate to jump a bit at his aggressive actions. The remaining buttons went tinkering about the floor. Rick's blue eyes fixated on her black lace bra and what was filling it. Kate let out a low, earthy laugh and rested her head on his chest.

"What? They're...you're..."

"No...I...I just realized that was my only shirt here." She looked at him in animation, "You're making me so..." she said with a shaky breath.

"We're even then."

The atmosphere grew thick again as Rick ran his index finger down the chain until he held Johanna's ring. Kate didn't let him linger there, she lifted the ring from around her neck and placed it on the counter.

Rick continued to move his hand over her scar, eventually moving to the side and stroking the top of her breast. The contrast of dark and light, hidden and yet-to-be-revealed fluttered between them. Rick ran his hand down past the side of her black, lace bra until he felt the soft skin of her hip. His other hand pushed the fabric of her shirt over her shoulder until it slipped down her body. Slinking to the floor effortlessly.

His hands roamed. Taking in the feel of her as her eye lashes cascaded down her eyes with each expanse he dared to touch.

Kate's full lips begged him now, so he started to hold them captive as her hands found their way to his face. He took his hands, placed them firmly on her lower half, and lifted her up. Long legs surrounded him as they made it a few steps towards his bedroom. Kate started pulling at his shirt which resulted in him pushing her against the wall. She let a sultry gasp of excitement as he tried to help take his shirt off.

He ended up tangled in it in his excitement to see her body again.

"Hold still," she laughed as she tried to help him.

"I can't! You're almost naked and I'm missing it!"

Suddenly, he could see again as she flung the offending garment away.

"Better?" Her swollen lips were almost too much.

"Infinitely." He returned the gesture and ran his own fingers through her long, wavy, brown tendrils.

Minutes of exploration and passionate tongue-tangling dalliance from the hallway to the bedroom left lingering giggles, gasps and various items of clothing behind. His large bedroom became their concert hall for two. And the orchestra was just warming up. His legs hit the end of the bed, sending him into a sitting position.

On her knees, straddling him, she reached behind her back and undid her bra. He reached up and pulled the straps over her shoulders until the forbidden was revealed. He took her in; all of her cream colored form.

"Kate..." It was a murmured plea of wonderment, "You are never allowed to wear clothes again."

Kate glided off his legs, grabbing the edges of his boxers until he too was in his natural state. Her eyes explored all of him. "You're not so bad yourself, Rick." The 'r' rolled off her tongue and it was almost his undoing.

Kate wrapped her arms feverishly around his neck, kissing him fully on the mouth. The momentum resulted with him on his back and her body pressed against his.

How had he gone through life not knowing that this is what people had written about. Wrote poetry, songs, grand orchestral movements about. Something that was expounded by the physical only if what was beneath it all was something pure. Something that pessimists stuck their noses at; and something that optimists spend their entire lives looking for. He had found it. Finally.

She braced her body over him; her hair created a halo effect as sets of blue and green eyes clouded, darkened.

"Kate...I lo-" she silenced him with a kiss. And soon those words retreated to allow deeper exploration of one another.

Passionate delicacies of lips, wet, slow kisses; hands, touches here, fingers digging in flesh there. They tussled with a mixture of wild and tame until he spun her on her back once again, pressing her body down into his bed and removed the last garment of clothing that covered her body.

Kate angled her form on his sheets that dared him to do so many things. He ran his hand in a slow glissando fashion from her calf, up her toned thigh, and over her hip until he discovered inked flesh.

Rick ran his thumb over a small, intricate image on her hip. As he stared at it, he felt the past, that fateful day in Central Park with his sparrows; the present, her body writhing in tune to his; and the future, waking up beside her every morning, collide. The black ink crafted what he had always felt she wanted out of life. To fly away and yet to be home as well. Rick wanted that for her. To be free of all of this. Just to be free.

He gravitated to the left until his mouth found her. Kate froze, tried to get him to stop the excitement coursing through her body. Soon it wasn't enough and he gazed up at her wanting to give her everything she had ever wanted.

"Tell me...tell me what you want...where to...God, Kate..." He looked up, into her eyes.

Beneath her lashes, burned a challenge. She wanted him to discover her body on his own. To take all his knowledge and apply it to this moment. "Everywhere..." she whispered.

With a lingering kiss on her tattoo, he ran his hand up her taut stomach and between her breasts. Kissing her the entire time while gently cupping her. She arched from him as he suckled and teased her senses. Each divot, each toned muscle on display, committing to memory as she gasped or fell still or grabbed at his hair.

Kate wasn't about to be left out. To see him, to have his skin pressed against her own. She allowed her hands to explore his arms, his chest, his hair, finding new places to press her lips to. Finding the places that made him spasm, groan, and make the breath hitch in his throat.

They went to a different level then. Inner thighs stroked and then parted. Rick nestled between them after the necessary protection was put in place. With a simple movement of her hips, and with the simple dance of anticipation in her eyes, he slowly found his home within her.

Rick never took his eyes from her, and she never took her eyes from him as the initial shock and flesh to flesh adjustments took hold. Then muscles contracted. Hips moved. Rhythmically now, all notes were thrusted: sharp, natural and highs were hit.

They were at the precipice. On the verge of the highest peak.

He desperately wanted her to fall first. She beckoned him, and they allowed their instincts to take over. There was no time or use for coherency. Every emotion strung between them struck befitting of Vivaldi, Chopin, but it was a masterpiece only the two people clutching at each other and the sheets around them could have created. Groans were exposed. Names spent between gasps of breaths and kisses. All building, climbing towards something that had been in motion for years. Every look, every touch, every moment ever worth noting crashed, bellowed and bounded around the room in a glorious melodiousness all their own.

Collapsing with perspiration tickling their skin, her limbs still around him, he still within her; it was a moment of true connection that sent residual trembles of excitement rippling through both their bodies. Soft chuckles of realization of what had just happened, along with the satisfied effects of both having their bodies ravaged, was followed by another form of intimacy: gentle touches, soft, intimate kisses was the afterglow that desired no words. Rick really couldn't think of anything that could accurately portray what had just occurred.

So they were just content to hold one another; to caress each other with their hands; to glide up and down their perspired skin. Both spent and yet arousal imminent again.

Eventually, as the moonlight covered their forms, Kate spoke first. Her voice, husky, "You're speechless. Always a good thing." It was a statement mixed with wonder and a bit of pride.

He nodded into her hair, which caused her to lean up and look at him.

Rick finally was able to formulate a sentence, "We didn't do that before because?"

Her soft breaths hit his skin as her delicate voice took on jubilation, "Notches. I didn't want to be one." For effect she looked at the posts and smiled.

"Notch free," he brought his hand up to the side of her face as she propped herself on his chest, "forevermore."

She kissed him, ambled, then pulled back, "Living up to your middle name I see."

"Given or other?"

The expanse of her mouth into an all too knowing thrall started to confound his senses, "Both."

If she asked him right there if he would commit to her for the rest of his life he would have screamed a chorus of 'yeses'. Actually, he had already made that commitment long ago. One word he had been uttering for over a year now. She deserved more than he had to offer; she deserved more than just the truth of the contents of Roy's files that were now safely hidden at the Old Haunt for fear she might discover them here.

Kate ran her hand down his cheek, sensing some sort of anguish brewing between them, "Tomorrow is just that, Rick, tomorrow. We have time." A hopeful statement they both needed to believe in at the moment.

"We've both waited a long time for this." His voice was starting to come back.

"You've waited longer than I have."

"What? No. You wanted me from day one."

She shook her head biting her lip deviously, "You were so arrogant."

"I was confident."

"And you barged your way into my life."

"I casually sauntered for research."

"And then you just wouldn't take any hints at all."

"You aren't very good at giving them. You need to be more direct."

She tilted her head, "No matter what, you aren't going anywhere...are you?" Her tone was playful, but he could see that it was a plea of sorts. Like she wanted a promise, and yet she was afraid of what it might mean.

He felt his body already responding to her again, "I'm loyal that way."

"Or like a fungus." She laughed. The vibrations hit his chest causing him to lose focus momentarily.

"Admit it." he pointed to himself, "Handsome, charming...the whole package."

Kate leaned up on his chest more prominently until her breasts were pushed up against him, "I'm not convinced."

"You, Katherine Beckett, are a tough woman to please."

"You did just fine in that department."

"J-just fine? I sense a challenge that will undoubtedly give you all the evidence you will need."

"Evidence?"

"That I am the one for you."

Rick went to flip her over, but she was quicker. She swung her leg over him until she was straddling his legs.

"I'm the cop. I will be collecting the evidence."

His heart fluttered in anticipation.

"You remember our safety word, right? Cause you're gonna need it." The naked detective taunted, dipping her head towards him. Slow, wet kisses soon drove him mad. She only stopped briefly to reach towards his night stand for another round of protection. The sheet slid off her skin like velvet. He leaned up to meet her as Kate leaned down and captured his lips in a searing kiss.

In the briefest moments when she moved her lips away from his for air he whispered, "Again?"

She lowered her body down upon him, "And again and again," she whispered back.

He watched her in beatific agony. Rick placed his hands on her hips to feel her movement as whirlwinds of frenzied skin to skin action filled the room and shot out in teeming expectancy, keeping the lies at bay, for now.

**END OF M**

* * *

><p><strong>. . . . . . . . . .<strong>

**September 17th, 2012.**

**. . . . . . . . . .**

Castle watched a drop of condensation fall from the edge of his glass as if it was a bead of sweat falling down her temple. His time with her had been beyond any fantasy he had ever concocted. From that moment on they started to sink deeper past the physical and started searching for more, things started to catch up with them. Shadows became more prominent. Ryan and Esposito's involvement in keeping Kate safe was starting to be noticed more and more. He had searched for other protection for her then and finally did what he never truly wanted to do. He looked at the name of the man behind Johanna's murder and had started amounting evidence against one of the most powerful men in New York.

Rick had to give Kate credit. She hid the fact that she was pursuing her mother's case well; kept moving her own personal files to different places in her apartment, so he could never find them.

That cat and mouse game didn't matter now. None of it mattered. It was over. He would always have those memories of their time together. _They _would always have those memories and for now they had to be enough.

Rick looked around the empty bar, at the renovations he was doing. It wasn't much, just a bit of restoration and of course what was behind the sheet on the wall. He wanted to do it not only for her, but for everyone at the 12th. All of them, Ryan, Lanie, Esposito, Roy and especially Kate who had changed his life in ways he couldn't ever plot out.

For now, as he sat in his bar, alone, he realized that he would need some help writing the end to their story.

Rick realized that he just needed her.

. . . . . . . . . .

* * *

><p>it was long, but all of you know that I don't dabble in brevity. It's just not in me. I truly hope you enjoyed it. Not only the T section, but the M as well. I am not one to be overly graphic. There is nothing wrong with the graphic, I just...everyone has their personal taste and I respect that.<p>

The reviews and alerts for the last chapter were amazing. All of you are absolutely wonderful to take the time to read my work. I would adore any feedback you would like to give on this chapter. What you liked, or didn't. If you are willing to keep this story on alert, I hope you find the time to review. Your kindness is greatly appreciated and I will, of course, respond in kind.

Next chapter should be up early next week.

Cheers,

Rini :D


	3. Part III

A Heart's Haunt: Part III

* * *

><p><strong>. . . . . . . . . .<strong>

September 17th, 2012

**. . . . . . . . . .**

Kate felt the cool autumn air slowly settle around her. She held her helmet in her hands, rolling it around. Every other turn allowed her to see the writing on her helmet. Why she had chosen that particular phrase wasn't a mystery at all. It was a phrase that had resonated with her for sometime, even before Roy's death. She had said it to Rick once and the meaning behind it was only truly known after she had finally let herself fall for him.

Kate was just about to turn her helmet over again, so the words would stop their taunting, when the door of the Old Haunt swung wide and Kate was met with three knowing smiles.

"Paperwork? Ulcer, ulcer, ulcer," Lanie mumbled as she, and the two male detectives stepped out of the bar, allowing the door to close behind them.

Kate found her footing quick enough, but not her poker face.

"Forget how to open the door, Beckett?" Esposito asked.

"The trick is to turn the handle and then push," Ryan teased.

She narrowed her eyes at him before she realized the obvious, "You aren't leaving are you?"

"We have lives," Lanie countered.

"Besides, we can't deal with your boy anymore. He's a wreck. All torn up," Esposito stated, putting his hand on Ryan's shoulder for support.

"Did something else happen?" Guilt that she hadn't talked to him in almost two weeks settled in.

The three of them moved past her until they were at the top of the steps. All of them were trying to keep their faces as even as possible.

"Of course something happened," Lanie stated from the top of the stairwell. "You happened."

Kate leaned against the stairwell's railing, "I'm only a few... minutes late."

"Yeah, because that's what I meant."

"Lanie-"

"Baby, it's been too long!" Esposito exclaimed. Kate made her way to the top of the steps to join her friends, ignoring the lingering pull she felt towards the bar. Javie was walking around her 1994 Soft Tail, admiring it with Ryan.

"Beckett, you really should bring her out to play more."

The last time Esposito or Ryan had seen the bike was before any of them had met Castle. It was a habit she took up when she was involved in a tough case. She would just ride out of New York for a couple of hours to the country side. Just to get away.

"Special occasion?" Ryan asked.

"I just felt like going for a ride," Kate said.

Lanie came up beside her friend, "And how far did you get before you ended up here, lurking at a stairwell?"

"Obviously not far," Kate grumbled.

The detective knelt down to admire the details of Beckett's bike, "If I didn't know any better, I would say you're avoiding something or someone."

Her eyes narrowed, "But you do know better."

"Afraid he might bring something up?" Ryan questioned as he and Esposito were now safely behind the bike, just in case.

"Nothing happened to bring up," Kate said as nonchalantly as she could.

"You weren't the only ones in that hospital room," Ryan said.

Kate looked into his blue eyes. Damn. She thought she was alone with Castle in the hospital room and that Castle himself was on enough pain killers that he wouldn't remember what she had said.

"There were witnesses to it and they're willing to testify," the blue-eyed detective added.

"Are they willing to go into the witness protection program?" Kate shot back.

Esposito shook his head, "I don't think they'll need to, Castle remembers just fine."

Kate clenched her jaw. She was afraid of that. There was no way around it now. They weren't forcing her hand, but they sure as hell weren't making it any easier.

"You've been a great help. Thanks," Kate stated dryly.

"We got your back, don't worry," Javier said in a brotherly fashion.

They did have her back. No matter how hard she had tried to push them away, to keep all of them safe, it didn't matter. They came to save her at the warehouse anyway.

"I'm sure glad the two of you decided to forgo boy's night two weeks ago."

Ryan chuckled, "You know us. Why sit around and drink beer when we could be storming a warehouse with an unarmed writer."

"Not to mention going against Momma bear's orders," Javie added, running his hand along the bike's black seat.

"Desk duty has its perks," Kate stated, knowing that, while Gates had been furious with all of them and punished them, she was glad to see them safe.

"How long did she ban you for?" Ryan asked Kate.

"About as long as it will take you and Esposito to get through the paperwork on your desks."

"Sounds like you have time for a vacation. You remember what a vacation is, right?" Esposito lightly joked.

"You should go someplace warm. Even better, you should go somewhere sunny and warm with Castle." Lanie started to shove her friend back towards the stairs.

"We're going to get a cab. Night Beckett." Ryan stated before he and Javie walked a few paces down the street leaving the two women under the street lamp.

"Would you stop pushing me."

"I would like to throw you at him at this point," Lanie stated, "Now either go down willingly or I will be forced to get those two men over there to carry you down."

Kate looked at her two colleagues, one carrying Lanie's purse, the other texting on his phone, most likely to Jenny.

"I think the odds are in my favour."

Lanie looked, "Sometimes I think Castle is more butch."

The two women shared a light laugh before Kate looked down the stairs, "How is he, really?"

"Nuh-uh. I'm all out of chocolate, so the only way to get your heart back is to go and get it."

"And what if I don't want it back?"

"Then I would say you and Castle have a lot to talk about." Lanie nudged her friend with her elbow.

Kate gave the ME a warm expression before moving her feet to the vesper of her heart towards the entrance. Kate gripped the handle and pushed the door wide. The faint click from the Old Haunt's door echoed in the once-upon-a-time speakeasy.

It was empty.

The dim lights lit her dark figure as she made her way alongside their booth. They had one of those. The whole gang did. Tonight it was just a void.

Kate placed her helmet on the old wooden bar beside her and took off her gloves. She leaned against the structure across from their booth. Her eyes wondered over everything, taking in all the changes he had made. Ryan and Esposito had told her that he had started renovating shortly after they had broken up. The sheet that draped the far wall was an indicator of something else that was hidden. Fitting, since their whole relationship had been that way.

She focused on the small corner of the sheet. It had been flipped back just enough that Kate could make out a picture frame. She climbed onto the booth seat, clutched the sheet in her hand and hesitated. Her eyes glanced over to the exposed wall where his picture was, from his days as a young writer. His eyes seemed to follow her, taunting her to pull the sheet back. To take a chance.

It worked.

She slowly pulled the corner of the sheet back.

Her breath hitched.

It was the picture that Royce had given him from when she was a rookie. With a grand swoop of her arm the sheet fell over the booths beside her. She climbed back out so she could see an entire wall.

With wavering vision, she started to take in the sight before her. The sight of all her colleagues. They weren't just of them in uniform or on the job either. There were pictures from the Christmas party that everyone came to. A group picture from Ryan and Jenny's wedding. Pictures of all of them when they came to the Old Haunt for the first time. Pictures of anyone who had touched his life in some way.

And then there were the ones of her. From young cop to the homicide detective that she was today. Some of just her and him. Candid moments from the precinct or the Old Haunt that someone close to them had taken when they weren't looking.

Finally her eyes landed on the centerpiece. Under the slogan 'In Loving Memory' was a picture of her Mother, Roy and of anyone who had been slain at the hands of the monster who had orchestrated her mother's death.

Rick's message was clear. He had renovated the wall to make amends. Especially to her. To show her that just like Rick's world, her world now was a mixture of writer and NYPD. There was room for both if she allowed it.

It was probably his last attempt at an apology. Every other attempt she had ignored. Not because she didn't care, but because of what it would mean. That despite all the hurt, she had fallen. Deeply and hard. Kate tried to ignore it. Tip-toe. Lie. Tried to feed it with solitude only to have their familiar rhythm come thundering back. She thought she had shoved it to a point of no return and yet she was here staring at the most blaring evidence of his hopes and dreams.

She wiped a tear away before moving behind the bar. She started her descent towards the underbelly of the Old Haunt. Towards him. She didn't know what would happen, but she did know that it wouldn't be like the last time she walked down these steps.

* * *

><p><strong>. . . . . . . . . .<strong>

June 29th, 2012

**. . . . . . . . . .**

"Kate, are you alright?" Alexis asked as the three women approached the Old Haunt's entrance.

"I'm fine." Kate looked down the street again, searching for the man that had been following her all day. For the last couple of weeks she had that feeling that the shadows harbored a few more people than they should. Certain cars followed her. Never the same one, always different, but she knew they were following her.

Kate had postponed dinner with Martha and Alexis for weeks and had been distancing herself from Castle even more in fear that it was because she had a major breakthrough in her mother's case and they would be targeted.

She had the name of the sniper from the picture she took from Nurse Karen. Kate was close to finding out everything. She could feel her mother's ring grow heavier around her neck each day.

"Thanks for inviting me to dinner. The both of you," Kate said, adjusting the scarf she was wearing.

Martha waved her hand, "It was the only way to see you. Both you and Richard have been too busy, hardly have time for anything fun."

"Work's been..."

Martha nodded, but the look in her eyes suggested that she was worried about her son and about Kate.

"At least he stopped moping about my choice," Alexis stated as she started to hail a taxi.

"Oxford is lucky to have you. Your father will be fine. Though he will probably visit you every single weekend."

"Promise you will come with him? If work isn't too busy. Then he won't be as bad."

While Alexis still wasn't thrilled with her father putting his life on the line, she had come to terms with Kate. So much so that Kate was there when Alexis went off to prom and for when Alexis walked across the stage to get her diploma.

"I'll try."

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us to the show?" Martha asked.

"Rick wanted me to meet him here."

"Then maybe we will see you after," Martha conceded before getting into the cab.

Alexis followed suit, then rolled down the cab window. "We should definitely do this again, before I leave. A family dinner?"

The comment caught Kate off guard. She really was part of their family and had more to lose than ever.

"Sure thing, Alexis."

The two red-headed women waved good bye. Kate gave the area a final scan before heading towards the Old Haunt. Castle had asked her to meet him there and he was as cryptic as ever. They had been arguing a lot which resulted in either not talking for a couple of days or heated moments between the sheets and other places as well.

Tension was high and Kate knew that it was time to tell him about her mother's case. She needed him to take his family away from here. And her dad, Lanie, Ryan and Esposito as well. They all needed to go. She didn't know how she would manage it, but it was the only way to make sure they would be safe.

Kate entered the bar, and looked around. She spotted Lanie, Ryan and Esposito waiting in their usual booth. Kate was just about to greet them when Lanie practically pounced on her.

"Where have you been? !"

"I was-"

Lanie jumped out of the booth and dragged Kate away back to the front door of the Old Haunt.

When Lanie was sure the area was secure she asked her question again, "Where were you all day?"

"I had to present our latest findings to Gates and..." Kate trailed off not knowing how to explain that she had a breakthrough in her Mother's case and she was out having dinner with Martha and Alexis.

"And..."

"Something came up." Was all she could say to her best friend.

Lanie smirked, "Castle related I'm sure."

"Yes. I cuffed him to the bed and did unmentionable things to him all morning."

"'Bout time."

Kate shook her head at her friend's perseverance. "Was there a reason that you dragged me to the corner of the bar?"

Lanie practically bounced, "I found something."

"You're an ME. That's a good thing."

"A ring."

"In who?"

"No, I _found_ a ring," Lanie nervously emphasized.

"You mean..." Lanie smiled and nodded, "Oh, Lanie!" Kate hugged her friend, "Wait, found it?"

"Javie hasn't asked me yet. We were just getting his things moved in and I found it and..." Lanie trailed off to look at Esposito in the booth.

"Are you going to say 'yes'?" Kate asked, knowing that this year had been rough for the two of them.

"He drives me crazy, but in all the good ways, you know? And the thought of waking up next to him for the rest of my life is just...I'm going to say yes."

Lanie drew Kate in for another hug.

"First Ryan gets married and now you'll be engaged soon."

"Please, if he knew you wouldn't turn him down flat, Castle would ask you in a heartbeat."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Are you telling me you haven't heard the rumor mill recently?"

"I don't peddle that type of grain on a daily basis."

"Maybe you should. I heard one about you and Castle getting cozy in the elevator."

"Not enough time to do anything in the elevator."

Lanie eyed her friend up and down, "You know, I've kept pretty quiet over these last couple of months. I figured since you are like a deer, ready to bolt at any time when it comes to Castle, I'd keep my mouth shut, but you've been different. Since Christmas even. Are you ready to confirm something has actually happened between you two which has led to the lovely elevator tryst?"

"Nothing to confirm."

"Hmmm," Lanie searched Kate's eyes like any best friend would, "I think it's time to start buying a helluva lot of chocolate."

"We feel the same for each other as we always have."

Lanie scrunched up her face, "I can take that in so many ways it is making my head spin."

Kate started to steer the conversation the other way, "So are you going to practice your expression for when Esposito finally asks you?"

"Cases of chocolate it is!" Lanie gave her friend a knowing look before allowing the change of topic, "I will just act surprised."

Kate gave her a look of disbelief.

"I am not that bad."

"You really are. Remember when the three of you came to Castle's to play poker?"

"Remember?" Lanie paused, searching her memory banks, "Sure do. It was about a month ago. You and Castle were arguing in his kitchen over something while setting out food. You knew your way around that kitchen like it was the back of your glock."

"You didn't win one hand."

Lanie gave Kate an unimpressed look. "Fine. I will work on acting surprised," Lanie looked down at where a ring would soon be, "I honestly thought he wasn't ever going to buy a ring or even move in with me."

"He'd be crazy if he didn't."

Lanie looked at Kate again, expectantly, "Of course you are going to be my maid of honor?"

"You don't even have to ask. I'd love to."

"And I will be yours."

"I'm not getting married."

"_Yet_," Lanie reminded, "I can only imagine the ring Castle is going to put on your finger."

"Are you done?"

"Oh, I'm just getting started."

They walked back to the booth where Ryan and Esposito were sitting. Ryan had a worried expression as he stared at his phone.

"I can't stay long. Jenny needs a few things."

"She still sick?" Kate asked, sharing a knowing look and a smile with Lanie.

"Yeah, can't keep anything down. Her whole family just got over the flu so they must have given it to her."

"I'm sure she is fine," Lanie said, "but maybe take her to her doctor just to be safe."

Ryan nodded before looking at Kate, "Where is Castle? He told us to be on time and he is the one who is late."

Kate shrugged, "I just got here."

"Maybe you left him in an elevator," Esposito chided.

"Can't believe everything you hear."

"Hear? Sure. See? Little warm to be wearing a scarf, isn't it?"

Kate started to move away from them, "I'm going to check his office."

"Put something on the door knob just to be safe," Lanie called after her.

"Too bad elevators don't have door knobs," Ryan stated.

"Nothing happened in the elevator." Kate threw the comment over her shoulder as she made her way to the corner of the bar.

"So does that mean something did happen in the supply closet then?" Lanie called after her.

Kate ignored their taunts, making her way, quietly, down the steps. After Ryan's wedding she felt herself gravitating towards a life with Rick. Kate tried to convince herself it was just physical. It was some of the best sex she had ever had, but it wasn't just that. It was breakfast with his family. It was waking up in his arms. It was the way he would murmur plot points in his sleep. It was the way he would join her in the shower or the bathtub. It was the way he put a whipping cream smiley face on her pancakes. It was everything.

She was falling.

Fast.

And falling meant that her mother's case took a bit of a side line. Lying to him started to peel away at her heart. But leads started to have end points. Kate felt that rush; she was getting closer. That led to cancelled trysts and dinners. Kate felt the distance between them turn into a haunting. Each lie lingered and floated between them and while they felt its cold breath on the back of their necks; they never talked about it.

Kate made it to the bottom of the steps and saw him at his desk, clutching Tolstoy's War and Peace. She recognized it from the library at his home and hadn't seen it since Christmas.

Kate was about to take the last step when his phone on his desk started to ring. Kate's foot hovered midair as Rick quickly answered it. No greetings were exchanged, but whatever the other person on the phone was saying made him stand abruptly, sending his chair toppling to the floor.

"What do you mean she saw you?...I know she is the best cop in New York...I hired you to keep her safe...to keep my whole family safe...you said you were the best so prove it." Rick threw his phone on the desk.

Kate felt her foot finally hit the last step causing the board to creak.

It was the sound she would always remember and hate.

Rick quickly stuffed a piece of paper in the novel before turning around. He was shocked to see her there.

"K-Kate-" He took a step towards her.

"You're having me followed?" Kate asked, not sure if the words came out at all.

"No, I-"

"I heard you," she pointed to the phone on his desk.

He couldn't look at her. So his gaze was designated to the floor, "Just a detail to make sure you are safe."

"From what?"

His features were etched in hardness, "The thing we never talk about."

"You mean, the thing you never ask about."

"I've tried. But you would shut down, or kiss me or we would end up arguing and-"

His words stung and stuck; all were out of tune, "Because I knew you would ask me to walk away."

"You should have walked away, then there wouldn't be a need for a detail and you would be safe."

She crossed her arms, "How could you think I could walk away from that? Walk away from her."

"I thought...I thought I had given you a reason to."

The past months, year, flashed across her mind. Ryan and Esposito always there when she was trying to follow a lead and even Castle. Asking questions here and there. She just chalked it up to his personality. That he cared for her. Every lead had led to a dead end. It was only after Ryan had gotten married and Esposito and Lanie started to work on their relationship did she notice that leads were actually panning out. Then the detail had started. All of it was to protect her. That almost made it worse. Roy had done that for years and it ended up in his death.

"All this time you have been standing in my way," she finally said.

He shook his head and took another step towards her, stopping when she put up her hand.

"You were always one step ahead." Her mind moved at an increased pace. And one of the thoughts that streaked across her mind made her heart draw tight.

"Have you been researching my mother's case behind my back. Again?"

"It's not like that. I just wanted you to get better after you got shot. And then you were struggling with PSTD and then therapy. And finally at Christmas I thought...I want you to be happy. I was going to tel-help you."

She caught the slip of his tongue like a faltered note during a recital. "Tell me what?"

He turned away from her and leaned on his desk. His hand resting on Tolstoy's novel. "I was always going to tell you. That's why I called everyone here tonight. To tell you. It was just...I never expected us to fall like we did." He hung his head.

"What the hell is going on?" She demanded, resisting the urge to reach out to him.

His silence got her moving. Three strides later and she was in front of him. The look on Rick's face suggested that his world was slowly crumbling down before him.

"All of it. Now."

Castle reached over and pulled a piece of paper from between the pages of Tolstoy's masterpiece. He placed it in her hand and didn't let go until she jerked it from his grasp.

Kate regarded the paper that was now shaking in her hand. She knew that hand writing. Each word came into view, formed sentences and ended with a scrawl of: Roy.

Now her world was starting to fall apart like the snapping of harp strings.

She folded up the letter and put it in her pocket. "Where are the files?" Her voice shook.

"Kate-" he pleaded.

"Where. Are. _My._ Files." She strained to keep her voice even.

"I-" He moved to touch her arm but she turned away from him.

"Who is he? Who hired Coonan to kill my mom?" Her voice cracked on the last word, "WHO?"

Her tone made him shudder and it seemed to shake an answer out of him, "I didn't look until a few months ago when I found that picture."

"What picture?"

"The one of Aggie getting the bear from the sniper. I found it with all of your mother's things in your room."

"You went through my things?"

"No. Not on purpose."

"All of this seems to be on purpose."

"It was when Lanie came over one night, and I hid in your room...I found a box in your closet and I thought it was just childhood pictures."

More strings started to snap. And then all the instruments started to fall out of tune.

"I couldn't put it off any longer. I knew I had to look."

"You've known for over a year and you didn't look until recently? !"

"I couldn't know and be with you at the same time."

"God, Castle..." She thought about all the times they just held each other, naked, beneath tossed sheets. All the times he could have told her and all the times that she could have told him. Kate felt sick from the Kool-aid of lies they both had been drinking.

He got to her then and grabbed her by the upper arms as she tried to take ragged breaths, "I couldn't let you. They told me they would kill you and everyone that I held dear. I had to."

Kate knocked his arms away and started to pace. Tidbits of information she had let slide started falling into place along with tears down her face, "Aggie threatened you that day at the hospital. You had the files since then and all this time we've been..." she trailed off, trying to keep her emotions in check.

"They said that if you pursued this then they would kill you and anyone that was close to you. I won't let that happen."

They were all in danger because of her. Rick and his family had been threatened because of her.

"We're done," Kate voice was firm even though the words felt like poison.

"No, _we_ aren't." His voice was just as firm.

"There is no '_we_'," she seethed.

"Like hell there isn't. There has been a _we_ for years. Long before we got together."

"No. There isn't. Don't come to the precinct anymore. Get your family and get out of town. Go. Take Ryan and Lanie and Esposito...my dad and..."

"And leave you? Kate, please..."

"I don't want to hear it." Her back went straight. Her shoulders squared. "Give me the files. All of them."

He opened the safe and pulled the files out, "You can't just go barreling into this. He's too powerful. You don't know how far this goes." He hesitantly handed the files to her. "I won't let you do this alone. Whether you like it or not I promised to be there and I am going to be."

She snatched them from his grasp. "I'd like to see you try after this." Kate strode towards the door only to be spun around seconds later. She ended up with her back against the wall, clutching the files against her chest and staring into his guilt ridden and fear laden blue eyes.

"I won't let you throw your life away."

"And what about your life? He's already gotten to you once and he will come after you again because he knows how important you are to me. Then your death would be on my hands. How is that fair, Castle?"

He placed both hands on either side of her head. Gazes locked. "No matter the cost, I will keep you safe."

"The cost is too high and we both know it."

She went to move, to finally get away from him, but he held his position.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you. A thousand times a day I wanted to. But this can't be it." Kate tried to move; he held strong, "Just give me some sign that the image of us, grey and wrinkled, reading to each other in front of our fireplace, holding hands and watching our great grandchildren playing at our feet won't just be a fantasy."

Desperation and fear dripped from each word. Kate choked down a sob as he kissed her. Tried to kiss the lies away. A desperate man's attempt. He kissed her until she whimpered and tore her mouth from his.

She heard it then. The same words he had uttered to her when she was dying on a field of green.

"I love you, Kate."

A single tear seared her cheek as she finally looked at him, "I heard you the first two times."

Regret was instantaneous. Then a coldness set in.

She took her hand and pushed him back. He stumbled as she spun on her heals making her way to the ground level of the Old Haunt. Lanie jumped up at the sight of her.

"What happened? Are you... KATE!"

Kate didn't stop. She side swiped Lanie's hold and ran up to the streets of New York, clutching the files against her chest, covering the hole that had just been created.

* * *

><p><strong>. . . . . . . . . .<strong>

September 17th, 2012

**. . . . . . . . . .**

Kate stood on the second to last step, not wanting to hear the dreaded creak like last time. She looked across the room and saw the man that had unexpectedly changed her life. He was sitting at his desk, twirling the bottle of whiskey with his finger. He wore a simple plaid shirt over a t-shirt and his hair fell haphazardly. Rick looked tired. Worn out. She probably looked the same.

"I had the step fixed."

His voice startled her for a moment before it had its usual soothing effect.

"'Cause I hated that sound too," he said as he stood.

He turned around and his gaze clung to her. Sparks flew, try as they might to find freedom in this atmosphere that had been tainted by fractured hearts and well woven lies.

"I'm glad you came, Kate." Her name tumbled out of his mouth like going down a musical scale. He had uttered it countless times in passion, love, friendship, and most recently, anger and fear.

Kate took the final step, happy it didn't make the creaking sound. As she moved towards him his eyes grazed over her. She rewarded him with one of her patented looks.

"You've seen it many times before."

"Each march you do is novel to me." He even added a wink, trying to make it like their old rhythm, but both of them were a bit off key.

"You're an idiot."

"A charming idiot."

"You got that half right."

"Which half?"

She slid into the chair beside his desk and he returned to his seat. "Sorry, I'm late."

"Paperwork?"

She gave him a shrug of her shoulders, "Something like that."

"Gates still reading you the riot act. 'Cause my ears are still ringing from her roar."

Kate knew she would never be as close to Gates as she was to Roy. It was a shift. A needed one in a way. "She actually gave me some time off."

"Ordered?"

Kate nodded. "Forced. Needed."

"And you're freaking out."

"I am not freaking out." His blue eyes started to spark to life. "Fine, I have no idea what to do with my time off."

"Nothing," he supplied.

She gave him a quizzical look, "Nothing?"

"There is something to be said about doing nothing. On a beach."

"Nothing on a beach?"

He nodded, "With a book. Preferably one of mine."

"Then I would be doing something."

"I didn't say you had to read it," Rick countered.

Kate let their banter wash over her. Serenade her.

God, she missed him.

"A beach sounds pretty good."

"A nudist one."

Her thoughts flew to their first time together. She never wanted to see him clothed again either.

"I'm just saying, you can do nothing, naked, just as good as clothed."

"This is clearly a private island."

A few right notes were suddenly hit, "It doesn't have to be."

The image of the two of them lounging on a beach, reading, talking, being with each other, didn't sound like a fantasy anymore. It could be real.

"You'd make a good travel agent."

"Well, my day job is kind of shot."

"Not shot. Just wounded. Permanently."

"I guess that answers the question as to whether or not you want me to come back."

Kate had to dig deep to keep this conversation barb-full. Truth was, she wanted him to come back but not in the same capacity as before. Murder board junky? Yes. Situations where he wore his 'writer' vest? Absolutely not. She couldn't worry about him and do her job. Their emotions were too connected and objectivity was compromised.

"You do have a tendency to run into people's fists."

"You don't like my new look?"

The consequence of her poor choices were staring her in the face. Forgiving herself for his involvement would take longer than forgiving him. "Keep it up and we can start comparing battle wounds."

"OK...you first. I will take what's under your shirt for 1000, Alex?"

She did give him a partial laugh then. Rick seemed to be soothed by it. Both leaned back into their chairs. Neither one bent on breaking their gaze at the moment. The lament of blue and green told a story of 'I'm sorry' and 'love', but like so many times before, things were still left by the wayside and behind their tongues.

Rick waited a few beats before he tilted his glass at her. "St. Miriam?"

She gave her head a light horizontal shake, "I'm good."

The awkward tune started to play again.

"You just missed everyone," Rick said, breaking the silence.

"I saw them outside."

"Did Ryan tell you that they are having a boy?" Castle asked.

Life did always have a way of thundering on. "No, he didn't. He's going to be a ball of nerves for the next couple of months."

"Years. Definitely years. Happy ones though. I could tell at the wedding that they were lifers."

"Didn't know you had a crystal ball."

"Magic eight ball, actually. And I have been in two weddings myself and both of those were complete disasters."

Kate saw something streak across his blue eyes. Then he shifted in his seat like he was preparing himself for something.

"Remember how you shoved Lanie in front of you when Jenny threw the bouquet?"

Kate nodded and chuckled, "She was the one who wanted it anyway."

He fiddled with the glass before him, mulling, "You didn't want it, did you?"

It wasn't that. She wanted it all, with him. Their timing was just off, as always. "I haven't seen you in two weeks and this is what you want to talk about?"

Rick gave her a quick smile, "Fine. Let's talk about the hospital then. I distinctly remember a fantastic dream where you said that you lo-"

"I didn't want to catch it because I knew what it would mean and how you would take it," Kate blurted out.

As if to prove her point, it was there in his eyes, and under his breath. The 'I would ask you right now to marry me' look that she wasn't quite ready for.

"I guess it was just your aversion to catching it while we were together versus when we weren't that never sat right."

"Because I caught it at Kyra's wedding?" Kate knew she had just played into his hand somehow because his eyes were more determined than ever.

"I never did give you any reason to trust that we wouldn't fall apart, did I?"

"You told me about your relationships. We don't have to go through it again." The first time was enough. And knowing how each had failed showcased their relationship flaws. He started distancing himself, but then again so did she. It wasn't just his fault. It takes two to fail as epically as they did.

"I never told you why you are different." His voice was soft, but it had strength that could carry them both.

Kate got up and started to pace the room. This isn't really how she wanted this conversation to go. She honestly didn't know how this conversation was supposed to go. Kate hadn't done anything like this before.

Castle didn't move. He sat and just watched her. It wasn't until she ran her hands through her hair, and the sleeve of her jacket moved up her arm, did he make his way over to her. Rick took her hand and turned it over, looking at the bruising caused by Aggie stabbing her with needles repeatedly while Kate was tied up in the warehouse.

Rick took the pads of his fingers and ran them over the marks. Kate wondered if there was ever going to be a time where he didn't look guilty for something to do with her. She had decided to go it alone. He couldn't stop her. No one could. Kate knew the price and if it hadn't been for the man standing before her, and Ryan and Esposito, then she would be dead.

Kate scanned his features, wishing that she could just kiss his injuries away.

Rick gave her a weak smile at her concerned look, "Doc gave me the all clear. What about you?" He finally let go of her hand.

She tugged at her sleeves, "Nothing I can't handle."

Dark circles seemed to fall into unnerving smiles under their eyes. At this proximity they both looked closer to death than they should be. Each resulting from restless nights and nightmares. "You haven't been sleeping."

"Neither have you," she countered.

"You think I would since I don't have you sawing half a forest next to me."

"You talk in yours."

He gestured in mock horror, "I'm story telling even in slumber. I'm _that_ dedicated."

"You also hog the sheets."

"You have that backwards detective. You hog the sheets and when I go to get them back you do a little mumble and wrinkle up your nose. It's so sexy and adorable that I'd rather freeze than disturb you."

Kate took a reprieve from his gaze, took a few paces away from him and looked about the room, looking at the bookcase. She had a feeling that he put all these books here for her. The image of them on the couch, together, just reading inched across her mind. All these renovations had meaning. Not as much as upstairs in the bar though. "The place looks really good. Especially the upstairs."

"You peeked."

"Your qualities are rubbing off on me."

"Don't worry, only the good ones."

"Ones?" she asked with the edge of wit that he loved.

"Fine. Only the good_ one_."

They shared a smile. They shared a beat. They shared so much more.

"You didn't have to. The picture of my mom, or Roy..."

"It felt right. And I always want to remember our time together. If you want, I can take it down."

"No. I don't want that. My dad...he's going to love it."

"And you?"

"I think that it's one of the sweetest things you've ever done," she whispered.

"Gotta balance out my misgivings somehow."

They both had a few of those and somehow they seemed to balance each other out. The term soul mate could be volleyed as an explanation for that.

"Are you going to keep on renovating?"

"Keeps my mind off things."

She stared at the books before her, searching for his titles, "What about writing?"

"I bring my work here. Beats staying at home."

She smiled, "Alexis being too much of a mother-hen?"

"No, she left already to go back to school. Mother is being too much of a Mother-hen. As much as her social life will allow. At least I don't have to worry about her walking in on us again."

Kate couldn't hide her embarrassment, "We just had to christen your kitchen."

"Kitchen, office, shower, couch, floor, stairs, bed. My apartment is still blushing."

"So is mine."

"Your dining room table will always hold a special place in my heart."

Every moment had resonated with her, especially those moments of afterglow. They were both naked and exposed, talking, laughing, sharing stories.

"I guess you will just have to put up with your mother until Alexis comes back for the holidays."

Rick gave her his best lopsided smile, "You can come and visit."

"I don't want to intrude on your time with your family." She knew they were still barbing lies as if it was sugar.

He chuckled wryly then. "God, are we really that used to it? You are part of my family and you know it."

"Don't," she pleaded as calmly as she could.

"Don't what? Talk about it? Why not? What do we have to lose?" He sounded exhausted.

"I didn't come here for a deja vu argument." She looked at her exit. Her body though, was firmly rooted to stay.

"If you do leave, I will follow you," she felt his hand take hers. "And that is the difference, Kate."

She didn't even try to move her hand away. "What's the difference?"

Rick gave her hand a squeeze. "I didn't follow Kyra because I knew we were over. It was easier to let her leave than for me to break things off with her. She didn't want to be at my side and I didn't want to be at hers. I only want to be by your side. With you. Not against you. Not ever again."

"Castle..."

"With Meredith I was lonely from fame and she was wild, unpredictable. The complete opposite of Kyra. She got pregnant with Alexis and I stayed with her, convincing myself that she was the one. She wasn't. When it is the one, you know." His gaze never wavered.

"Please..." she closed her eyes, not wanting him to continue or stop. She had wanted to hear this for so long.

"And Gina? She was smart, savvy, and I cared deeply for her. Enough to marry and to even give it a second try. That's why I invited her to the Hamptons."

Kate's eyes shot open. She wasn't expecting that.

"I didn't know you had broken up with Demming. If I did, I would have never asked Gina. I didn't see it then, but she was the consolation prize. And it wasn't fair to her. That's why there was no magic. No spark."

She stopped fighting him then. She didn't really have any fight left. Her mother's case had wiped her out. She was at her barest foundation; just a single note on a page and Castle was trying to make sheet music out of it.

"I think I will take that drink now." She gestured to the bottle of St. Miriam sitting on his desk.

He gave her his glass and she downed it and then he poured himself one and did the same. The room went quiet. The creaking of the old frames and the tinkering of pipes in the secret passage ways could be heard. It was an odd beat. Fresh. Something that starts out small and then over time grows into something that would boom across the heavens in a crescendo.

Kate reached into her pocket and slid the plane ticket across the table at him. He looked at it and a bit of the weight on his shoulders floated away like an aria.

"Kate, this isn't going to be a vacation. You really should consider that beach."

"You were there when I looked the man who was responsible for my mother's death in the eye. You were there to make sure I didn't end his life."

"That was all you. Revenge, though tempting, never was your forte. Justice has always found a home in you, along with the truth. That's what makes you, you."

She looked down. The glass on the desk made the name of the book seem warped. That maybe they were somewhere in between war and peace. "I wanted to kill him, Castle. I fantasized about it for so long, especially since he had threatened you, your family; everything I..." she couldn't say it just yet.

"I never doubted you for a minute."

"Not even when I had my gun between his eyes and he was begging for his life?"

"Not even then. We have the evidence Kate. He's going away for a long time."

"Thanks to you." She said quietly, "You called Ryan and Esposito. If they hadn't shown up we would have been...I'm sorry I got you into this."

He pointed to his chest, "Side-kick. Remember?"

"Partner," she corrected.

Rick looked down at the ticket, "Are you sure?"

"He's your father. You are going to meet him for the first time. And Alexis said that you might need me there."

"She is right. I do need you." He ran his hand through his hair, "I sure made a mess of things, didn't I?"

She gave a burst of dark laughter, "You weren't the only one who lied, Castle. It was practically a form of foreplay between us."

"I am sorry, for-"

She stopped him, "I didn't come here for an apology. I know you're sorry and so am I. I think I forgave you a while ago; it's just hard to go back."

He went quiet for a moment, content just to look at her. Kate tilted her head, a gesture that made it safe for him to ask his question.

"Was there any other reason why you came here tonight?"

Kate started to pace once again. If she was to look back on her life, years from now, this moment could very well be her biggest 'if only'.

Kate looked at him and she knew he saw how lost she felt, "I've spent most of my career being haunted by my mother's death. I was consumed by it and now that it is over...I didn't know what to do. So I just drove. I got on my bike and I drove. I could have gone anywhere and I ended up here. I'm tired of being haunted, Castle. So I'm here to take a risk. The only problem is...I seemed to have misplaced what I wanted to risk."

His eyes illuminated in query, "Are you sure that I have it?"

Kate nodded, "It's a little broken, damaged and it has some definite baggage, but yes, you still have it." She walked over and stared at the shelves that were filled with books. Each story before her had a beginning, middle and end. She wished she could just write the end to this one. Old and grey, great grand children at their feet. It sounded divine to her now.

Then that faint beat came back again. Their beat. "I gave you another one in return. Though, it was broken as well and pretty useless without its companion."

"It was hard to tell what it was at the time since I never truly saw one before."

Castle came up beside her and gently, he turned her towards him.

"I'm going to try this again. And this time it is not because I am scared of losing you. I've already lost you."

"Rick, you haven't lost me so you don't have to-"

He placed his hand on her neck and forced her to stay motionless, "Let me say it. It needs to be said."

Kate waited as his eyes started to glisten and blaze all because of her.

"That first moment that I turned around and saw your badge sticking in my face, I knew that up until then that my love had been sparse, nomadic." He pushed strands of her hair behind her ear, "Now it knows no fleeting gestures or shallow depths; it swells, but never ebbs with time. I know you. All of you. Every facet, every flaw you think and do have. You may have started as my muse, but you wouldn't allow me that frivolity; you demanded that I face my own demons so I can and will stand by you."

Kate gave a ragged breath as his other hand found the side of her cheek, "No matter how this ends, no matter if we part and you go off with someone else, know that my one and true always is with you. I love you, Kate. I love you."

Tears tumbled. Walls fell. The opus of forgiveness started to play. He leaned down and kissed her. It wasn't desperate. It wasn't passionate. It was a kiss you give someone who held your heart and would take care of it for the rest of their days.

She returned it, gently with a promise, spurred on by the hint of St. Miriam's drifting around their senses. They parted and she wrapped her hands around his neck and he wrapped his arms around her, swaying to their mending hearts.

They stayed that way until she had finally found her voice enough to whisper a return in his ear.

"Falling for you was nothing compared to actually loving you, Rick. And I do." She leaned back and looked into his eyes that were wet with emotion, "I love you from..." She managed a lopsided grin, "from apples to always."

"Hey..." he sniffled a bit, trying to keep his emotions in check, "That's my line."

"Can I borrow it?"

"For how long?"

She leaned up and started to gently kiss the wounds on his face before answering, "For a lifetime?"

"Consider it yours."

They kissed again in a larghetto fashion until they finally were able to let go of each other.

"This isn't going to be easy, is it?" He asked, bewildered that he finally had a chance at making things right.

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Why Detective Beckett, are you saying you are up for this challenge?" He pointed to himself.

"I'm saying that I think we need to take things-"

He cut her off, "Slowly?"

"That sounds good."

He let that resolve settle for a moment, "Then I am cutting you off."

"From what?"

"Sex. No more Castle lovin' until we date. And I mean _date_...out around New York, or Paris...anywhere in the world. But I am picking you up and we are going out."

"We can still date and have sex."

He shook his head, "We are doing things right this time. Dating first, and then after an appropriate amount of time, and I ask for your father's permission, then we'll see."

"We'll see how long you last." She collected her ticket and then moved to the door.

"Despite ample evidence against the contrary, I can keep my hands off of you." He grabbed his jacket and turned off the light.

"If you say so...Rick." They climbed their way up the stairs to the bar level of the Old Haunt. She made sure she moved her hips just the way he liked it.

"How slowly are we talking here?" She heard him choke out.

Kate couldn't resist. "Another three years of slowly."

She grabbed her things off the bar and out of the corner of her eye she saw his face fall. "I was thinking a week. I guess we need to start dating, like now."

They both moved along the bar, leaving the wall of forgiveness behind them.

"Breakfast?"

"Oooh, this is definitely cause for a celebratory stack of pancakes," he added.

She took his hand and they made their way up into New York's crisp, early morning air. Castle ran towards her bike and for a moment she thought he was going to hug it.

"I've heard rumors but ...she is beautiful."

"Why do you automatically assume it is a she?" Kate asked from her position underneath the street light.

"Because the thought of you _riding_ her is very, very hot," and without missing a beat he added, "Can I drive?"

She gave him something between a snort and scoff.

"I know how to handle a hog."

"I'll let you drive the Crown Vic."

"Really?"

She smiled as she put on her helmet, "No."

Kate turned to the side so he could read the writing on her helmet. The look on his face meant that she had gotten her desired effect.

"So since you are a 'one writer girl' what does my helmet say?"

She dug it from the seat compartment and handed it to him. His face fell once again.

"Come on, Beckett."

"You are, aren't you?"

He put it on his head and grinned. She laughed at the words above the arrow that was pointing forward.

"I will wear "I'm her bike-bitch" proud," he proclaimed.

Kate got on the bike first and he followed suit.

"PA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA PA NA NA NA NA." He bobbed his head to his beat.

"Absolutely not," her tone was definite. As definite as she could be with a grin.

"Come on. Since we both are going to be away from the precinct for a while we might end up fighting crime and we would be foolish if we didn't sing it. PA NA-"

"Castle!" She warned, "I'm driving and I get to choose the music. And I choose the city sounds."

"Fine, but I'm singing it in my head."

He couldn't see her glorious smile that was illuminated by the street light, "Hang on tight." She started the engine of her Soft Tail.

He wrapped his arms around her waist as tightly as he could for dramatic effect and whispered in her ear, "I'm never letting go."

They tore away from the street and into the night life of New York. A new beginning but with their same, wondrous rhapsody that would follow them for the rest of their lives.

**. . . . . . . . . .**

* * *

><p>And that is the conclusion of <span>A Heart's Haunt<span>. And that is the last installment in this AU as well. I truly hope that I did these characters justice and story telling in general justice.

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to review, alert, favourite or just read my work. I know I have a long way to go, but your encouragement, criticism and enthusiasm will only make me strive to challenge myself, strive to be a better writer. So I thank you with as much enthusiasm and gratitude I can muster (which is a whole bunch!)

If you are interested in any future work I might write then by all means put me on Author Alert. Otherwise I shall resume my twitter life as soon as S4 of that show I like so much starts. You might have heard about it. I think it's called Castle, a.k.a the best dang show on TV.

And of course, a huge THANK YOU to **Tadpole24** for all her super amazing, stupendous Beta work! Couldn't have done it without her :) Any mistakes made are my own and most certainly are not hers.

Until next we meet, my wonderful readers.

Cheers,

Rini :D


End file.
